


Just Pretending

by lilypaws



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Dean, Community: deancasbigbang, DCBB 2015, Dean/Cas Big Bang Challenge 2015, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Happy Ending, Hate to Love, Las Vegas Wedding, Love/Hate, M/M, Mechanic Dean, Misunderstandings, Openly Bisexual Dean, Past Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Pining Dean, Police Officer Castiel, Top Castiel, Topping from the Bottom, Unconsciousness, alternative universe, baking incidents, sad attempt at humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-30 04:59:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 41,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5151176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilypaws/pseuds/lilypaws
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A cool job, a nice apartment, a hot girlfriend. Dean had it all. And lost everything. That’s when he gets the chance to be featured in an article in the famous magazine “Heaven on Earth” and reside in a luxury hotel for four weeks. And win a shit ton of money. The catch: it’s only for married couples. And because Dean’s life is a disaster the only person who is willing to play along and marry him is the person who despises him the most. But playing Couple with Cas Novak for a month can’t be that hard, can it?</p><p> </p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is property of my friend Sara who asked me to post this here since she doesn't have an ao3 account anymore and is too lazy to make one! 
> 
> Note from Sara: Big shout out to my artist, [Laura](http://compassionatedragon.tumblr.com/), who despite having such a busy life, made sure i got such wonderful artwork. 
> 
> I felt a lot of secondhand embarrassment writing it, and I hope you feel just as much secondhand embarrassment reading it!
> 
>  

If Dean had to pick one moment in which his miserable life got even more miserable, it’d be probably this one. Truth be told, two people getting spontaneously hitched at Las Vegas wasn’t exactly news to anyone, but most of the time these two people are drunk, in love or both. Dean and his chosen one were sadly neither of that. In fact, they were the exact opposite. He hadn’t always been that desperate. But there are certain moments in a man’s life, in which he must take drastic measures.

“Shut Up!” he hissed to Sam, who couldn’t stifle his laughter. The Hawaiian Elvis was about to start with the ceremony and he was feeling wretched enough already. Because what Dean was taking right then, was the most drastic measures of his god forsaken life.

 

**2 weeks earlier**

Dean stared at the cracks in the wall as if he was trying to internalize them. Great. Fired. The word was bouncing up and down in his head like a monkey on a stick. Bobby was stumbling over his words, trying to find the right way to say it but Dean already knew. When your boss summons you to his office and starts the conversation with 'There’s something we need to talk about' it either means  _your landlord called and your apartment is under water_  or  _you’re fired_. He wasn’t even listening to what Bobby was saying he was just bracing himself for the inevitable  _fired_. He’d seen it coming.

Dean had been working in the shop for only a few years while his colleagues had been there right from the start. Which was decades ago. And he knew they didn’t have enough customers to keep every employee. The Garage he was working at wasn’t exactly the finest of Garages but they were good enough. Well, until now. Apparently, they were  _not_  good enough to keep up with the competition that started to appear all over the city. A little shop like Singer’s couldn’t exactly keep up with that. Surely, they had their regulars coming back to get fixed some minor car trouble, but this little group of customers wasn't enough. Dean knew that.

He had been expecting it for a long time. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t pretend not hear anything as he watched a little spider crawl out of one of the old rifts in the filthy wall he was still intently watching.

Dean was content with his life. He loved his job and loved his little brother Sam. He had his fair share of friends and occasional one night stands. There was nothing better than blowing off some steam with a hot person – girl or guy - after a long week. Sure, the morning after wasn’t always comfortable, neither was the walk-of-shame he had to do every once in a while. But the sex was worth it. There was no pressure to call or to stick around. No responsibility. That’s how Dean liked it.

So between trying to kick his best friend Benny’s ass in the newest Assassin’s Creed - and failing miserably -, listening to a newlywed Sam endlessly rambling about his wife Jess, having sex with strangers and burying himself under the hood of beautiful cars, his life was alright.

He’d always loved Cars and had a real passion for them. When Dean was sixteen years old, he’d helped his Father restore a beautiful ’67 Impala and he was gone. They worked the whole summer, all day, every day. His friends were busy relaxing, having dates and getting drunk and he was missing out on all of it but he didn’t care. The sun intensified the sunburn on his neck and the freckles on his nose. His Mom checked in on them every now and then with ice cold lemonade and sun cream and little Sammy sat on the porch as he watched them in awe. Sweating, aching, and out of breath while the sun accompanied them as their best friend was when Dean was the happiest. He never wanted to stop. Thinking back to his childhood, that summer is one of his favorite memories. 

So it’s always been clear what he wanted to do with his life and after graduation, John Winchester got his son a Job at his best friend’s garage. That was it. And it’s always been like that.

“It pains me to say this Dean, but I can’t keep you.” there it was. That sentence brought him back to reality like a hammer to his head.

Bobby sat behind his desk, across from dean, hands on the table. The expression on his face made him look like his favorite grandmother died. “I’m sorry, but you know the facts. Since that god damned shop across the street opened, we’re getting less and less customers every week. I just can't afford to pay you anymore. “

Dean was at a loss for words, sitting in silence as he was trying to get a hold of himself. His throat constricted and his eyes burned and he knew, as soon as he would let out a word, his voice would crack and the tears would find their way out of his eyes. So, he just blinked and gave a short nod.

“Just know that you’re the best mechanic I have. But Rufus and Jody have been working here since before you grew out of your diapers, Dean. I can’t just fire them after all these years. Now close your mouth and take a breath, you look like you’re gonna faint. I’m sure you’re gonna find something else, I can already feel those bastards out there make grabby hands at you.”

So, that was it. No more Cars for him. His life wasn’t so alright anymore. He took the few things he'd stashed at the garage with him and left. As he was driving home and heavy rain flooded the streets  _I’m all Out of Love_  blared out of the car radio and he totally did  _not_  dramatically sing along. Nope.

When Dean got back to his apartment, the late afternoon sun greeted him and flooded his living room in golden light as it was trying to break through the heavy clouds. He pretended that it was trying to cheer him up and he tried to give it back a faint smile.

But what also greeted him was silence and his smile faded. Sometimes he wished there was someone living with him. Somebody who put their arms around him, soothingly rub his back and tell him that everything was gonna be fine. Make him forget about all his problems for a little while. But then he remembered that most of the time relationships were the biggest of his problems. He’d tried it more than once, to settle down and be happy but he just couldn’t. And after a nasty break up with his long-term girlfriend Lisa, he’d sworn off relationships completely. There’s nothing you get out of it but a broken heart and a hand shaped bruise on your cheek.

So, there he was. No Job and no better half.

“What now?”                                                                                    

 

***

 

Having no job apparently meant for Dean losing every sense of self-love and dignity. He was lying on his couch, one leg draped over the back, eating cereals off his chest. He was out of milk. Sam’s voice was coming from his answering machine. “For the love of God, Dean. Would you please answer your damn Phone? Dad told me what happened.” He sighed, and after a short pause, added “I know how you get when you’re hurt. And I’m kinda worried. So just pick up the phone and tell me that you’re okay. Come on. Dean. Dean. Dean!”

On his television Dr. Sexy was just about to perform an open-heart surgery on his own Fiancé. “Fine. If you’re not answering your phone, maybe you’ll answer your door.” Her heart stopped beating. Sam hung up and his apartment was all silent again, except for the sounds of Dr. Sexy breaking down over the operating table.                                                                    

 

***

 

Sam found him passed out, snoring louder than a family of bears, when he let himself into the apartment, half an hour later. It was a mess. And Dean was too. There were empty take out boxes all over the place, not to mention the pretty impressive collection of beer bottles Sam found on every available surface.

“It’s been only three days, Dean.” He whispered to himself.

He decided on a quick cursory tidy up and was just about to put a pizza box into a trash bag as he saw it. On the couch table was an eviction notice, crumbled as if someone had squashed it in their fist.

Sam jumped when he was interrupted by a sleepy voice coming from the couch behind him, “Sorry ma’am, I don’t remember hiring a cleaning lady.”

He gave his brother his biggest bitch face, “Very Funny, Dean.”

“Cut your hair.”

“What is this?” any kind of humor left his voice as Sam held up the letter.

“What’s it look like?” Dean’s eyes were glued to the floor as he sat up. He didn’t dare to consider his little brother’ eyes and tell him that he’s a failure. Dean had found the notice in his mailbox this morning and while he had known it was gonna come sooner or later, he hadn’t thought it would come so soon. He’d been broke for a long time, you don’t exactly get rich as a mechanic, but losing his job was the final kick to the balls. He couldn’t pay. So, he had to leave.

“Why didn’t you tell me? We could’ve helped you out. Mom and Dad -” He didn’t get any further before Dean cut him off.

“I don’t want your help. Not Mom and Dad’s and certainly not yours. I need to figure this out on my own.”

“Why?”

“Because.” Dean got up from the couch and took a few of the empty bottles with him to the kitchen.

“Oh my god, Dean.” Sam plead after following him. “It is okay to accept the help of the people who love you, you know? After everything you’ve done for me, just let me help you. For once.”

Dean hadn’t done anything extraordinary, he’d just been an ordinary big brother. Fighting off bullies, helping Sam with his homework and giving him the 101 on talking to girls. Sam always acted like he was Chuck Norris.

Dean sighed, putting the bottle on the counter, „Okay fine, you stubborn idiot. You can help me, but I don’t want your money. The apartment is too big; I couldn’t have kept it over the long haul anyway. But I need a place to stay until I find something else.”

That wasn’t exactly what Sam had expected, but he agreed, "You- uh fine. Of course, you can stay with us." He’d never say no to Dean and Jess would be okay with it.

So, the following Saturday they moved the few belongings he found essential to Sam and Jess’ little house in the suburbs. Bobby volunteered to help them. When Sam told him about the new living arrangements he almost had a heart attack. The guy felt responsible. Sam assured him it wasn’t his fault but he insisted on helping since it was the least he could do. Mary was thrilled to have her boys back under one roof, so the first thing she did was to bring over enough casserole to last for a month.

Everything was turning out just fine.

Until it wasn't.

Despite the anticipations, Dean didn’t look for apartments. No, he just picked up where he’d left off at his own place. He Sulked.

As Sam got ready for work Monday morning, he was tying his tie in the bedroom as Jess' shriek echoed through the house. She hurried to Sam, soaking wet, in nothing but a towel, “Your brother has no sense of privacy!”

Sam laughed, “He took a piss while you were in the shower, didn’t he?”

She didn’t get a chance to answer before Dean passed the room grinning from ear to ear. “Aw, come on Jess, nothing you haven’t seen before.”

Sam had never heard her this furious as she turned back to him, “I love him, but this has to stop.”

“Don’t worry, honey. I know exactly who to call.”

Benny Lafitte was one of the best friends Dean had ever had. He was gruff and scary, but actually the biggest sweetheart on this planet. If you looked close enough, he really just looked like one of those colossal teddy bears people get from their secret admirers. He was also Sam’s last resort. If Benny couldn’t help Dean out of this pathetic state of self-pity, no one could.

“Vegas, brother.” Benny was sitting on the couch next to Dean, looking incredibly smug.

“Wh - What?” Sam stuttered.

“What do you think, Dean?” he ignored Sam and kept looking at Dean, who was still in his underwear despite it being past noon already. “You, me, booze and the ladies. There’s no better therapy than getting completely wasted with a bunch of strippers.”

Sam started, “That’s not exactly what I had in mind-“

“Hell, yes!” Dean yelled, looking happy for the first time in days. Why didn’t he think of that? That’s exactly what he needed, just get out of town for a while and have fun. Dean never left Kansas, their parents had always felt guilty about not being able to afford their children a proper vacation. He never minded, he’d always been grateful for the life they had but right now it was what he wanted.

“Let’s do it. Sam, you’ll come too!” he said with the eagerness of a child.

“I can’t, I have to go to work. You know, being a lawyer and all.”

“I’m aware of that I’m not stupid. Benny has to go to work too, we’ll go on the weekend.”

And there was no point in arguing, Dean knew he could make Sam do basically anything. They made their plans to leave Friday evening and stay until Sunday. Jess wasn’t exactly thrilled about the whole thing but in order to make Dean feel better so she gave them their blessings.

And after four days of moping around the house, watching spike TV and being bored to death, the weekend finally released him from his sorrow. 

“I trust you.” Jess told Sam when they were standing in the doorway, just about to leave, “This will be good for all three of you.”

“I know. I love you. I won’t do anything stupid, promise.” He reassured with the goofiest smile Dean had ever seen.

“Admit it, you’re glad to finally get away from your boring wife.” Jess´ smile was even goofier. Ugh.

“Never.” Sam gave her a kiss and lingered so long, it got profoundly awkward with Dean and Benny standing right there, watching and waiting. 

“This is so freaking uncomfortable.” Dean murmured to Benny, who answered with a short laugh. 

 

***

 

Due to the lack of vacations, Dean had never been on a plane before. And if he’d known that it would be the most terrible experience in his life he would’ve kept it that way. He had the armrest in a death grip for the whole 3 and a half hour flight. His knuckles had already started to turn white due to the lack of blood. The only thing that kept him from puking his guts out was listening to Metallica so loud it made his seat neighbor glared at him in anger.

A few hours later they checked into the hotel, took turns in the shower, made themselves look presentable and got down to the Hotel Bar. The fun part of the night could finally begin. 

Rubbing his hands together like every villain in every movie Dean growled, “Look at all these gorgeous people. Which one of them am I gonna take to my room with me tonight?”

“Um, how about none of them? We’re sharing, remember?” Sam replied with a hint of humor in his voice.

“There’s nothing that can’t be arranged, Sammy.” He answered, distracted, eyes scanning the room for his prey.

That’s when he saw him.

Son of a bitch

Sitting at the Bar, was the hottest person Dean had ever seen.

Dark bed hair, long lashes, full lips, and a body that would make even the straightest guy turn his head. And he was just sitting there, so casually, as if he was totally unaware that every person in the room was drooling over him.

“Oh yeah.” And Dean was off, leaving a stunned Brother and best friend behind.

He took a seat right next to the hot Stranger as he ordered a whiskey, trying to appear as cool as possible. It must’ve worked, considering the eyes he could feel traveling down his body. Dean knew that game, he’d played it plenty of times.

“I’ll have another one of these.” The stranger said to the bartender and, well fuck, if his voice didn’t match his body. Dean wondered what it would sound like, screaming his name.

After Dean got his Whisky they sat side by side for a weird minute while he was trying to come up with a good way to start a conversation. He was usually a pro at this, talking to people was always one of his stronger features. But not this time. No, this time he got really nervous and his heart started beating so fast he was sure everyone in the hotel could hear it and he couldn’t get out a single word until the Barkeeper turned around, put a drink in front of the hot one and said, “A Cock sucking Cowboy for Castiel.”

Without thinking he blurted out, “Cock sucking Cowboy?”

The hot one, Castiel, turned around to face him and smirked the sexiest smirk that could be smirked. “Don’t worry, that’s not my first rodeo.” He had a strong jaw, sharp nose and high cheekbones but his cheeks were sweetly curved and his mouth lush and full. And his eyes. His eyes were  _so fucking_  blue, framed by dark lashes.

“No?” Dean grinned, “So you’re good at riding?”

“Maybe I’ll let  _you_  decide that later.” He winked and turned back to the bar totally focused on his Cock sucking Cowboy now. What the hell. What was he supposed to say to that? Did Castiel want him to say something to that? That guy was very confusing. He just settled for, “The Bartender knows your name, are you from here?” Not really the most creative pick up line but whatever.

“No, but my sister lives and works here.” He pointed to a sweet redheaded waitress who was taking orders from a bunch of guys at a table at the other end of the room. And damn, hotness must run in the family. If Dean’s heart wasn’t already set on Castiel he would’ve totally gone after her. Too late.

“I’m here for a visit. They know me around.” 

“Then where are you originally from?” Dean asked because he was that subtle.

“Jefferson City.” Castiel’s Eyes were twinkling in amusement.

“Missouri?”

“Yes, Missouri.” Now he started smiling and  _fuck_  was he  _smiling_  at him or  _laughing_   _at_  him? All coolness from earlier had left Dean and he knew that their conversation took a turn into the boring section and now Dean was sure he was  _laughing_   _at_  him so he asked, “Do all people in Missouri drink Cock sucking Cowboys?”  He rolled his eyes at himself, because what the hell.

But then Castiel chuckled and it was so freaking nice it had Dean smiling like an idiot.

And it was so easy after that. They talked about their families, their hobbies, their favorite music and, hell, about the freaking weather. But even something boring as that was the most interesting thing, coming out of that mouth. Dean learned that Castiel was a police officer and – he didn’t think it was possible – that made him even more attracted to the man. He couldn’t stop picturing Castiel handcuffed to his bed, begging to get fucked.

A few hours – and Cock sucking Cowboys - later, they were both tipsy. And considering Castiel’s hand on Dean’s knee, he was into this as much as he was. Then he started whispering the filthiest things in his ear.

 “I wanna take you home with me.” That’s all it took to turn Dean into a stuttering, blushing mess. “I wanna spread you out on my bed and suck your cock until you’re begging me to let you come.” Dean was only able to swallow hard, which made Cas chuckle in his low, deep voice. And oh well, if that didn’t go straight to his Dick. Dean couldn’t take this much longer or he was gonna fuck him right on the bar stool.

Castiel was still talking, but Dean couldn’t concentrate on the words anymore, his eyes and mind were only focused on those sinful lips. He wanted to kiss the ever-loving crap out of them really, really badly and just as he leaned in Castiel leaned in too and,  _yes_ , they were about to kiss. But that’s the moment a very drunk Benny decided to show up, throwing a heavy arm around Dean’s shoulder, little brother on his heels.

“What’s up, sweetie?!” He slurred and put a big, fat, moist kiss on Dean’s cheek. That’s what you call a distinct cock-block.

Dean could swear he saw something deadly in Castiel’s eyes as he saw them wandering between him and Benny. Who still had his arm around Dean. Who said, “You ignored me all night, I missed you so much, my little schmoopy. I think I’m gonna have to punish you later.”

Sam snorted behind him, barely able to stand straight, God he was so fucking drunk, Dean had never seen him like that. Neither of them, actually.

“Oh, great.” He heard Castiel grumbling, and as he turned back to him he saw him getting up off his seat, looking really fucking pissed. Only then did Dean understand what this must look like, Benny calling him pet names and kissing him. That’s what they did sometimes, it was their version of humor, it wasn’t even funny but they did it anyway. Sam always made fun of their big gay love. But there was no big gay love, they’d known each other for years and Benny was happily married to a wonderful girl named Andrea. But Castiel didn’t know all that. Well, fuck.

“No! Wait!” He called out, shoving Benny off of him and going after Castiel.

“Cas, wait!” And thank god, he turned around; furious look in his eyes. But that was better than nothing. Until he gritted out, “I should’ve known. You were too good to be true. But tell me, Dean does your boyfriend know you hang around Bars, hustling strangers like a hooker?”

The apology on Dean’s lips died as he heard these words, hitting him right in the stomach. “Did you just call me a whore?”

“Just forget it.” Castiel spat out and turned to leave again, but Dean was really fucking angry now. “No, Castiel, did you just call me a whore?”

“Yeah, maybe I did.” The people around them were starting to watch them in interest and Dean knew they were making a scene but he felt so utterly insulted that he didn’t care. He’d always had a problem with that word and was always scared of what people might think of him if they knew with how many people he’d slept. He didn’t think it was anything to be ashamed of, to act out sexually and enjoy life. But what Cas had said hit a nerve. He must be real proud of himself.

He was just about to throw a punch at Castiel’s face when Benny and Sam appeared behind him, holding him back. “No, let me.” He grunted out trying to get out of their grips as he saw Castiel laugh at him humorlessly.

“Dammit Dean, let it go!” Sam warned as they watched Cas walk away so slowly and cool, it made Dean’s blood boil again.

But he did let it go. That Jerkface didn’t deserve any of Dean’s time. He just wished he’d known that before he wanted to fuck him senseless.

“I’m so sorry! It was supposed to be a joke, I didn’t wanna ruin your whatever that was.” Benny assured with his hands up as if he was trying to calm down a wild animal. 

 “It’s okay, don’t worry about it. Made him show his real face. And he was obviously an asshole anyway.” He raised his voice at the last few words, for Cas to hear. He knew he’d succeeded when he gave Dean the finger over his shoulder, without even looking back. “Let’s not let this ruin our trip.”

They ended up drinking another couple of beers since the fight with Cas sobered them all up. And while Dean pretended to have a good time for the rest of the night, his mind always drifted back to mister Cock sucking Cowboy and what an immense disappointment he was. He’d wanted him so badly and he turned out to be the biggest idiot Dean had met in forever. If he hadn’t been such a stubborn asshole and actually listened to Dean they could’ve been having, sweaty, dirty sex right this minute and if that wasn’t a tragedy. 

***

 

They spent the next day at the pool, just lying around and feeling the sun burning their sweaty skin. It felt so good it made Dean forget about the evening prior. His heart felt light, he didn’t have to think about anything and the view was nice. Hot men and women, everywhere he looked. Viva Las Vegas. He was in an incredibly good mood when they got inside to have dinner. He just had to look out for Castiel and hide behind the next available person when he saw him. But that wasn’t too hard since he didn’t spot him again.

Dinner was even better, who would’ve thought that the burgers in Nevada taste better than heaven. He couldn’t stop moaning which had Benny laugh in amusement and Sam grimace in disgust. “Please stop making these noises, it's planting pictures in my head I do not want.”

He tried his best, but when he got pie for dessert no one could stop him. Not even Sammy heading off to the bar with the words, “I need a drink.”

“So what are you gonna do tonight?” Benny asked when they were alone, his voice as caring as if he was talking to a child. “Planning on repeating the debacle from last night?”

“You’re an idiot. Shut up.” Dean laughed as she shook his head, he couldn’t believe he was friends with that ass.

“Just messing with ya, brother.” Benny chuckled.

“Yeah. Anyway. I think it may be best if I stayed with you guys and lie low.” Dean answered resigned. Maybe it was time for him to back off a bit. He was starting to get bad at this. Stupid Castiel. It was all his fault.

Well, it didn’t matter now. Dean just wanted to have a good time with his family. “Let’s order some drinks.” He said to Benny, who happily grabbed the menu to scan the alcoholic Drinks.

“How about a 'fizzy and mind-blowing combination of cheap butterscotch schnapps and equally cheap Baileys'?” Benny read aloud after a minute of contemplating.

“Sure sounds good, I’ll order. What’s it called?” He held his hand up to wave the waiter over.

“Cock sucking Cowboy.” Benny screwed up his face.

_Godfuckingdamn_

“You gotta be kidding me,” Dean grumbled, hand lowering. “I definitely do not want to drink a cock sucking Cowboy.”

Benny looked like he got slapped in the face. “Okay, jeez, we’ll order something else.”

“You know what? Forget it.” Dean spat as he got up and headed right to the bar, Benny hot on his heels. “I want a whole bottle of Vodka, thank you.”

He gave the bartender an icy smile. He didn’t give any fucks what anyone thought about him anymore and he knew he was acting like a child but he didn’t care about that either.

“He’s kidding.” Benny patted Dean’s shoulder and laughed at the bartender who looked confused by their entire conversation. Dean didn’t blame him.

“What’s your problem?!” Benny hissed. Good, at least he kept his voice down. The last thing he needed was another scene at the exact same place as yesterday. 

All anger left him and the façade he’d built over the past few days finally crumbled, “Everything. I don’t have a home, I don’t have a job, I don’t have a relationship… I am  _nothing_. What the hell am I supposed to do?”

“So you’re having a midlife crisis?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“You’re too young to have a midlife crisis.”

“Thank you for your input.”

They sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Apparently, Benny didn’t know what to say anymore, so he tried to distract Dean and pointed at a bunch of flyers at the end of the bar. ”Look at that.” He grabbed one. “ _'Heaven on Earth- earn money on your vacation'_ ” he read as he studied the front. Dean waited patiently as Benny opened the flyer and read the little text that was written on it.

“Ah, too bad. You have to be married to take part.”

“Take part in what? “ Dean was curious, he needed money and getting it while being on a vacation sounded really nice.

“Okay, so apparently Heaven on Earth is some fancy magazine and they’re gonna write an article about couples or whatever. You and your spouse will have to take part in different activities over a period of 4 weeks and in the end, you can get a prize. The competitors will be residing in a four-star hotel.”

“Four-star Hotel?? For four weeks?? For free??!” Dean couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Who wouldn’t take part in this thing if they got to live in a luxury hotel for one month?  “What’s the prize?” these lucky people. Dean was sure his envy was written all over his face.

Benny looked down at the brochure until he found what he was looking for. “Huh. 50,000 dollars.”

Dean choked on his own spit. “50,000 dollars??”

“Seems like it. But what does it matter, Dean? You’re not married.” Benny handed him the flyer to read over. As Dean studied it, he asked, “Where the hell is Sam?”

“Probably at the strip bar.” Benny joked. “Why? You want to pretend to be married to him and go to that competition?” 

“No, not Sam. But maybe someone else.” That wasn’t such a bad idea. He was starting to get hopeful. If he could find someone willing to pretend to be married to him he could go to that trip. He would have a place – a fucking awesome one at that – and would get the chance to win a shit ton of money. Maybe that flyer was a sign. Maybe that was his chance to get out of the hole he was digging deeper and deeper for himself. Maybe it would be his chance to start over.

“Forget it. I was joking, Dean. You can’t trick these people, I bet they want to see some kind of a marriage license before you can enter. They’re not stupid and you’re probably not the only one with an idiotic idea like that.”

“Then I’ll marry someone.”

“Dean-“

“I have nothing to lose, Benny. Why the hell not?” he asked.

“Why not?  _Why not_? Who are you going to marry? Who would  _want_  to marry you? You’re the most unmarrieable person on this planet.”

“Marrieable is not a word.”

“It is now.”

They were bickering like an old couple, but Benny had a point. He needed to find someone who was as desperate as he was. At least. He was starting to go over his mental list of contacts. Bobby? Ew. Lisa? Awkward. Dammit. He didn’t have enough friends. What about the hot guy at his favorite fast food joint? No, they hadn’t even had one proper conversation yet. He was starting to tear his hair out. There were a bunch of candidates but they were either married or wouldn’t agree to this anyway.

But there  _had_  to be someone. Anyone. Someone single. Someone broke. Someone available. His mind was running, people’s faces kept flashing through his mind, but got immediately brushed off again. He was going through exes, neighbors, co-workers. None of them. None of them were even remotely –

“Aah crap.”

Castiel. It had to be him Dean realized with soul-crippling terror. He was his only chance to attend the challenge. And - with an absolute probability of making a complete idiot of himself - stormed off to find him. 

 

***

  
Since Castiel was nowhere to be seen Dean headed right to the stunning redhead who was working again that evening. He’d been ogling her all night, wondering if she knew about him, if Castiel had told her about their little almost brawl the night before. Well, if she hadn’t witnessed everything in the first place, that is. He could feel his cheeks burning as he approached her, but there was no going back, he was absolutely sure about his purpose. He was a man on a mission and the only thing he could focus on was his target.

The woman was just about to head to the kitchen when she saw Dean heading for her and stopped in her tracks, looking at him curiously. “Excuse me, I’m a...friend of Castiel’s. Do you know where I can find him?” He put on his most charming smile, the one he knew would make any woman melt, if played right.

And, look at that, it worked. She smiled at him and answered, “Yeah, sure, you can find him next door.” she pointed to a door on her right that lead to the in-house Casino Dean had been tempted to visit when Sam and Benny had gone. But he wasn’t so sure of his fortitude since he’d already been broke before and the trip to Vegas didn’t exactly do any good to his wallet either. 

“Thank you.”

He grinned. If Cas wouldn’t agree to his offer, he could still ask his mind-blowing sister. She looked up at him under her lashes, with huge, green eyes, a flirty smile on her full lips that reminded him of Castiel. She was just as hot and infinitely nicer.

Dean walked through the entrance at a furious pace and saw Castiel at the bar of the Casino Restaurant. Sitting two seats away from Sam. He stopped short with a startled look on his face, but he was still on a mission and a stupid little brother couldn’t hold him back from that. Traitor.

As he walked up to Castiel the man looked bewildered for a second, but grew very suddenly very annoyed, rolled his eyes and hissed “What do you want?”

Dean leaned against the bar, thumped the brochure down in front of him and looked him dead in the eye, “I want you to marry me, asshole.”

He could hear Sam choke on his drink, but he didn’t avert his eyes from Castiel who’d grown the biggest eyes on the planet, eyebrows practically in his hairline. After a few minutes of staring - and Sam coughing – he recovered and put his cool back on “Thanks for the offer, but I’m more of the love 'em and leave 'em type.”

“Come on, Castiel. Would you at least listen to me for a minute? Just one minute.” He begged and put on the best puppy eyes he could manage. After years of training, they were almost as good as Sam’s. Who was now saying, “Uh, Dean?” but he didn’t pay any attention to him, only focusing on Cas who’d grown silent and considerate, which Dean counted as a win. 

“Why would I listen to you?” He sounded just as tired as Dean had felt for weeks now. That was his chance. Now or never. What he said now determined the next few months of Dean’s life and he knew he had to make use of his best convincing skills.

Words chosen carefully, he gently stated, “50,000 Dollars, Cas. We could win them. You just have to bear with me for a few weeks and I will get out of your life forever.” Cas looked at him now, really listening and Dean could see a touch of interest in his eyes.

He shoved the flyer towards Cas, who opened it and studied it for a few moments. It was almost unbearable for Dean, to just sit there and wait. He glanced over Cas’ shoulder to see Sam gaping at both of them. The stunned look on his face would’ve almost been funny if it wouldn’t have been such a make-or-break moment for Dean.

“What about your bearded boyfriend? Why don’t you marry him?” Cas asked, anger flaring up again as he remembered the night before. “Or have you replaced him already?”

Oh, right. Cas still didn’t know the truth about him and Benny. Maybe he should’ve clarified that before proposing.

“He’s not my boyfriend, asshole. Just a friend who was messing with me. If you wouldn’t have been in such a rush to get away from me, I could’ve explained it to you.”

Realization was written all over Castiel’s face. “Oh...”

Anyway. Back to the topic. He took a deep breath and added, “You need me as much as I need you, Cowboy. We’re both homeless, we’re both broke, we both desperately need money. Four weeks of your life, it’s all I’m asking for. And I promise you, you will walk out of there as a rich man.”

The only answer he got was an angry eye squint while Sam was heavily cursing behind them. But his little brother was smart enough to keep his mouth shut, knew Dean was too stubborn to even listen to what Sam had to say.

Cas looked at him in astonishment and said, “You’re serious.” More to himself than to anyone else.

“I’ve never been more serious in my life.” Dean assured and after another, maddening minute of thinking, Castiel grumbled, “Fine.” with clenched teeth and Dean’s world was okay again.

“You - really?!”

He couldn’t believe his luck. He was gonna be rich. A huge grin plastered his face as he let out cries of victory. He would rent a badass apartment and he would be able to pay the bills and he would buy a flat screen TV and he would buy clothes that he hadn’t been wearing since forever. When everything was over he was gonna sit down and make a long ass list with all the things he’d treat himself with. He was just about to start dancing when Sam finally blew up, “Are you being serious? You want to marry that guy? Dean, are you Crazy?” 

Dean let out an exasperated sigh and said to Cas, “Give us a minute.” before gripping Sam’s arm and pulling him out of Castiel’s hearing distance.

“Sammy, I have to.” He reasoned. “I’m down the rabbit hole. Please don’t blow this out if proportion, okay? I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you really?” The look on his brother’s face screamed,  _I don’t believe a word that’s coming out of your mouth,_ but Sam knew when to hold back and Dean loved him for that.

“I do. Just see it like that; I will finally get out of you and Jess’ hair.” He chirped with a smile on his face when Sam soberly replied, “This is gonna end badly.”

Sam was right. This was bound to blow up in their faces with a bang but Dean would do anything to get that money. And they already hated each other anyway, so what was there to lose?

“I know.” He answered thoughtfully.

He hadn’t noticed Cas coming up to them until Dean heard his cold voice behind him, “We have to do it as soon as possible, the trip begins Monday in a week.”

“Sure, we can do it right now. We’re in Vegas after all.” He may have sounded a little eager but he didn’t want to lose any time and risk Cas backing out nevertheless.

“Fine. I should go and talk to my sister first, so let’s meet here in half an hour.” Castiel turned around and left without another word and, really, Dean couldn’t wait to be married to that charmer.

***

 

The lecture that followed made him regret bringing his brother. If he’d known two days earlier what he was about to do, he’d left him at home. But it was too late and if Dean was honest with himself, he kind of wanted his brother with him on this. It was Dean’s wedding after all. So the only way he knew to shut his pain-in-the-ass little brother up was alcohol.

They had thirty minutes to kill until Castiel came back, so they got back to Benny and sat down to fill Sam up.

“I need at least five bottles of vodka to get through this.” He mumbled before downing the drink in front of him. Benny wasn’t delighted about Dean’s idea either, but stopped growling at him after a couple of shots. Thank god _._

Cas came back, wearing a pair of slacks and a button down. While it was the same outfit he’d been wearing earlier Dean felt underdressed in his Jeans and Boots. Well, it wasn’t his fault that bastard had to look incredibly fancy in everything he wore.

They went to the first chapel they could find, Vegas wasn’t exactly short of them. While they were sitting in the waiting room, Dean asked Cas, why his sister wasn’t there.

“Anna’s not coming. She’s completely freaked out and not in the good way. She’s, uh, refusing to watch me 'ruin my life'” He answered with the whole air quote thing. For real. 

But Dean couldn’t blame her; if Sammy would be up to something like that he wouldn’t play along either.

They sat in awkward silence while Sam was talking to the receptionist and Benny wandered around as if he was in a museum or some shit. After 20 minutes of waiting, a couple stumbled out, smiles on their faces. When they saw them the groom slurred between giggles, “This is so much fun in there. You’re gonna have so much fun, oh my god it’s so funny.”

Dean was definitely not having much fun when it was their turn and there was a weird guy in the worst Elvis costume he'd ever seen.  He was wearing a freaking Silk Lei and demanded to walk him down the aisle. “Wha…What are you doing?” Dean asked him while he tried to drag him along.

“What is he doing?” he asked the others, looking for Sam and Benny for help. As ordered, Cas was standing at the altar between two Hula Girls, looking just as terrified as Dean felt.

Sam was sitting with Benny in the front pew and started giggling like a maniac.

Elvis explained, “That’s what you booked. The Elvis Aloha Wedding Package.” Sam giggled even louder.

“Don’t fight it, Darling. Just lean back and enjoy the show.” Elvis breathed dramatically before he started singing “ _Can’t Help Falling in Love with you”_ and dragged Dean towards Castiel. 

The Hula Girls started dancing. Dean prayed to god he’d give him laser eyes, bless him with the sudden skill of the force choke,  _anything_  just so he could kill his brother right this instant.  “Why the fuck are you doing this to me?” He had to remind himself why he even loved that idiot. The laugh he got as an answer made him forget all those reasons. 

“I thought it was funny.” Yeah, Sam had always been a funny drunk. Dean had to take a deep breath to calm himself down, he wouldn’t want to start a fight with his brother in here.

When they reached Cas, Elvis forced the microphone right in his face while handing Dean over like a damn Bride. “Alright, everybody sing!” 

This was probably the most ridiculous moment of his life. Castiel’s involuntarily singing didn’t make it any better. Nor Sam and Benny dramatically warbling along and swaying to the music. 

Dean couldn’t even properly dwell on his misery because Elvis was putting on a real show now, dancing to the music like his life depended on it and posing for the camera. This man had really found his calling.

Once the music died down, Dean could hear Sam laughing and, seriously, he looked  _this_  close to doubling over.  “Shut up!” Dean hissed.

Elvis started preaching, his accent so heavy Dean found it hard to follow the words.

“It’s a day of promise. A promise of the love between Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester. Being together with two hearts as one love. It is also a promise to communicate and to share. To treat each other with respect, to care and to listen to one another. But it’s also a commitment between each other, to not only be each other’s lover; but above all and most importantly, Elvis’s lover. “

Which earned heavy laughter from the front row and a groan from Cas. Dean was too done to care anymore, he just wanted this to be over so he could go get his Money. He suddenly wished he would’ve downed a few shots with the others earlier. You can’t really have an Elvis-aloha-Hula –whatever-package wedding without being a little bit intoxicated.

Elvis asked them to face each other and exchange the rings. They’d bought them from a vending machine in the Lobby, they were obviously not the only couple coming unprepared. After a little fumbling he got the Ring on Castiel’s finger and when Cas did the same to him, Dean studied his face. 

The crease between his eyebrows indicated how uncomfortable he was and Dean suddenly felt bad for dragging the guy into this. He certainly wouldn’t have expected his time off with his sister to end like that. That was the one thing Dean was sure about.

He looked at Sammy for encouragement just to see Benny in a deep slumber, head resting on his Brother’s shoulder. Dean was getting married and his best friend fell asleep for god’s sake. He needed new friends.

Elvis continued with the vows and Castiel sighed before speaking the words Elvis prompted.

 “I, Castiel

Take you, Dean

Into my heart.

In good times and bad

In sickness and Health.

For richer, for poorer

For now and forever.”

Dean was just about to sigh in relief when it was over until Elvis rambled something of special Elvis Vows and Castiel had to repeat his words once again.

“I promise to always love you tender

And never leave you at heartbreak hotel.

I will never have a suspicious mind

And from this day forward

I promise to be

Your hunk, your hunk of burnin' love.”

Elvis ended with his hips thrusting, huge grin on his face.

Cas’ face looked more annoyed by every word he spoke and Dean dreaded the moment it was his turn.

He tentatively repeated the words as Benny could be heard snoring behind him.

“I promise to take you as my… hunk of burning love.” Dean had trouble keeping his eyes fixed on Cas, the roll of Elvis’s hips was very distracting. And disturbing. He almost didn’t hear his next words.

“And always love you tender.

And never return you to sender.

I will never step on your blue suede shoes.

Or treat you like a hound dog.

For you, I’ll always be

My loving Teddy bear.”

Cas rolled his eyes as Elvis concluded, “May your love always sustain the hard times, but make the happy times even more wonderful and fulfilling as the years go by. I will now pronounce you committed and in love to one another. Give him a kiss, Castiel.”

Cas’ eyes grew the size of his head and he said “Oh, right.”

But Dean wasn’t too desperate for that kiss either. They fumbled around for a few seconds until they settled for an awkward handshake.

Elvis broke into “Viva Las Vegas” and the first words Dean spoke to his husband were “You’re a terrible singer.”

Cas just stated, “I’m pretty sure he just grabbed my ass.” With an entirely neutral expression. It was so utterly ridiculous Dean couldn’t stop himself from laughing.

Elvis pushed them towards the exit and singsonged, “Everybody put your hands in the air for those two lovebirds.”  Sam burst into cheers, giving Benny a slap on the back to jolt him awake.

Once they were outside Dean took a deep breath. “Oh my God.” He buried his face in his trembling hands.

Benny put on the special Elvis sunglasses they got and replied “Careful Dean, do not say his name. God would not approve of what you just did.” Which was probably the funniest thing Sam had ever heard, considering the animalistic noise he made. He was shedding tears by now, face so red Dean started to worry if his head might explode.

He leaned against the brick wall of the chapel and felt the stones radiating the warmth from the past day on his back. It was done. They were married. Just like that. Two lives ruined in the span of seven minutes. And Dean was at a loss. He couldn’t believe he’d just done that. _I have lost my mind,_ he thought to himself. 

A wave of awareness rolled over him, but he couldn’t afford this little moment of self-pity. It was too late now. They had done it. And they were married until the divorce. And they would get a divorce. They hadn’t talked about that yet, but it was obvious. They were far from in love, hell, they couldn’t even stand each other; they just had to make the best of it.

Dean quickly stepped out of the way when his little brother shot towards Castiel. He pulled him into a bone crushing hug and sniffed. “Welcome to the family.” 


	2. Chapter 2

The following weekend Dean was in a plane, headed to Los Angeles. He sat in his seat, taking a deep breath. Concentrating on the rise of his chest. His lungs filling with the sticky air, full of excitement and anxiety of the passengers. There was a young woman sitting in front of him, trying to shush her baby. A businessman was typing hectically on his laptop, drinking coffee whose smell wandered over to Dean where he was leaning his head back against his seat, eyes closed.

“You look a little green, are you alright?” Cas’ unbearable voice cut through his daydream and Dean looked at him with exasperated eyes.

“Yes, I’m fan-fucking-tastic, thank you very much.” He answered, making the annoyance in his voice be heard loud and clear. He’d just started to relax enough to not freak out over being in a freaking airplane. Again.

 “If you say so, chicken shit.”

“Leave me alone.”

Dean was trying to keep is breathing even. They would be landing in a few hours and they had to pull the biggest act of their lives. Pretending to be in love, and they couldn’t even sit next to each other without bickering.

They should’ve spent the last week practicing being married, but Cas had to fly home to work some things out, only being able to come to Lawrence for a day. He’d lived in a motel and only met up with Dean once, which ended in clenched teeth and hands balled into fists. Worst. Coffee Date. Ever.

Sam and Jess were sitting a few seats away from them, eyeing them skeptically. When Jess got wind of that whole shenanigan she made it her mission to tag along and make sure Dean and Cas got out of it without killing each other. She insisted it had nothing to do with the fact that she and Sam hadn’t gotten a proper honeymoon yet. 

From the corner of his eye Dean saw Cas staring at his hands that were desperately holding onto the armrest. 

“Want me to hold your hand?” He grinned and Dean wanted to claw the man’s eyes out.

“Bite me.”

Sometime later, when Cas fell asleep Dean smelled revenge. He felt his pockets until he found the sharpie he was looking for. It wasn’t waterproof, but it would do the trick. As he lazily drew penises on Cas’ face –because he was that creative- he contemplated becoming a professional artist. Because honest to god, those dicks were some masterpieces.

Once he was done, he moved over to the empty seat next to Sam and giggled, wordlessly pointing over to Castiel to show off his artwork. He was awfully proud of himself.

Sam rolled his eyes and let out a sigh, “Seriously, Dean? You pulled a freaking Ross and Rachel on him?” He asked in a low voice, Jess had just drifted off, head resting on Sam’s shoulder and dribbling spit.

“Are you kidding me?! This whole thing has been a Ross and Rachel right from the start!” He tried taking the unpleasant situation he got himself into with humor and Sam really could appreciate that a little more.

But he didn’t. No, he even had something like sadness in his eyes when he soberly stated, “This is gonna get really complicated.” Sammy always had to ruin the mood, didn’t he? Damn his brother and his Conscience.

“Why are you saying this?” Dean huffed, a little annoyed.

“Because he hates your guts. And because you don’t know a single thing about him. And because he looks like a male version of Lisa.”

Okay, maybe Sammy was right. Maybe he did have a type. Dark haired, tan skin, athletic. But Castiel’s ugly personality had killed every attraction Dean had felt towards the man. Well, mostly. This would not make anything complicated, Dean was sure of it.

And Lisa... Lisa was something else. He’d adored her, had tried everything to make her happy and it still wasn’t enough.  _He_  wasn’t enough. He was too short tempered, too stubborn, too chaotic, too distanced, too much of everything that she didn’t like about him. Lisa was the closest he’d ever had to a real relationship and the fact that he fucked that up too, just proved that he wasn’t really made for this. No matter how much he wanted.

So he stopped wanting.

And she really did look a little like Cas. And because he couldn’t really argue with his brother on that he just said, “Lisa’s eyes aren’t blue.” With a hint of humor in his voice. Sam raised his eyebrows and stared at him in disbelieve.

“Never mind.”

“You don’t want to ruin this, do you? I just don’t want you to get tangled up in your own mess, Dean. If you didn’t notice, you kinda tend to do that.”

“Well, okay, Sammy, I don’t want to get tangled up in my mess either. But, how?”

“Let’s lay down some  _Cas_  rules.” He fully faced Dean, serious look on his face. “Rule #1: No Sex!”

Dean snorted and rolled his eyes, “I don’t think we have to worry about that.”

Sam ignored him and continued, “#2: No Fighting.”

Okay, that could get a little hard. Very hard, actually.

“#3: Please, for the love of god, try to behave yourself and don’t be your obnoxious self. You don’t want him to run away from you in horror.”

Dean always thought he was a charming guy, but apparently his brother thought otherwise. This was gonna be harder than he hoped it to be.

 

***

 

When he got the first glimpse of the Luxe Rodeo Drive Hotel, Dean forgot all about his anxiety for a short, breathtaking moment. It didn’t look like a hotel, more like a mansion, really. The floor-to-ceiling windows caught the rays of sunshine that sparkled so beautifully, it looked like an estate from a different world. The exterior façade was painted in a light blue that instantly reminded him of the eyes of the man next to him, looking just as stunned as Dean was feeling.

He’d lived in a seedy neighborhood in Kansas City and the fanciest thing he’s ever seen there was the fat cat of his neighbor, wearing a diamond collar. As Dean admired the flower arrangements that were beaming down from the balconies he had to pinch himself. And that was only the outside few. It was made for the upper class, for rich people, wearing fur jackets. And for the next four weeks, for Dean’s sorry ass.

They had enough time to go have a look around their hotel room and to set aside their luggage before the action started and Dean was thankful for that. He was still a little shaky on his legs from the flight and he really didn’t feel like faking to be in love with a stranger right now. Not yet anyway. If he ever would be. 

Of course, there was only one bed in the room, and even though it was a king size, it wasn’t big enough for them to share. There was really not enough room to put between them for their liking. At least they agreed on that. So they played rock-paper-scissors and Dean met Cas’ death glare with a smile when he won the bed. Hell yes, he could always count on the scissors. 

While Cas was setting up the floor to make himself comfortable, Dean studied the program that would await them in the next few weeks.

“Hiking, Baking, Dancing…” he listed in shock. “I thought this was for couples and not a health resort for retirees.”

“There’s really not a big difference between married people and old people, Dean,” Cas mumbled as he took the bedding from one side of the bed and spread it on the floor.

Dean huffed a laugh, “Can’t argue with that.”

The programs had been lying on the bed when they got in, alongside some ridiculous looking T-shirts. They were apparently supposed to wear them to the welcome party. He felt like a 12 year old at summer camp.

Especially when he put the thing on and took a look at himself in the mirror on the opposite wall of the bed. The shirt was so tight, he could barely even breathe and bright red  _really_  wasn’t his color. In the middle of a big, swirly heart the letters read  _“Heaven on Earth”._

He groaned, “I wanna go home.”

Cas laughed at him.

Sooner than Dean liked they were heading down to dinner –in their stupid matching clothes for god’s sake. And because he had no idea how he was supposed to act he linked arms with Cas. Part of moral support, part of desperation. Cas accepted it without a remark and Dean was relieved, he really couldn’t handle the guy teasing him right now. 

They sat down next to Sam and Jess, across from the only other couple on their table. An excited looking guy whose big eyes wandered around the room, absorbing everything they could capture. To his right was a woman, golden waves flowed around her shoulders, making her look like an angel. She studied Dean, mischievous smile on her face as if she knew everything about him. It made him swallow and he averted his gaze.

The indistinct chatter around them died down as another couple entered the room, asking for their attention. He could tell they were a part of this thing by their outfits. They were in the same ugly T-Shirts as most of the people in the room (Apparently Dean’s was the only one who didn’t fit). Only a few regular tourists were present and by the curious looks on their faces, they had no idea what was going on around them. 

They introduced themselves as Becky and Chuck, and they were the head journalists of this project.  Becky gave some speech, Dean didn’t really listen to, welcoming everyone, explaining the rules, the usual.

“As you might already know we are going to write an article for our magazine “Heaven on Earth.” about couples of any kind. Older, younger, homosexual, heterosexual, recently married, long time married, and so on. Chuck and I are going to protocol every little thing we can about you guys, please don’t feel intimidated if we randomly engage you in little interviews. And don’t forget the big finale of this fun festival: The prize money!” She took a short break to let her words settle in. “We will hand out the application forms later and all you will have to do is fill them out and you will find out if you won a few weeks after that.”

At least the food was good, he learned half an hour later after Chuck solemnly announced: “Let the Games begin.” With a self-satisfied chuckle and Dean couldn’t do anything but roll his eyes.

Contrary to his expectations their seat neighbors were good Company. A young Couple, named Jo and Ash. They’d been married for five years already and Dean wondered how some guy like Ash could score such a beauty.

The dinner went relaxing and Dean even had a little fun, until the inevitable question came from Ash. “So, how long have you been married?” He pointed with his fork at them, splatters of pea-soup landing on the white tablecloth.

Damn, they really should’ve rehearsed a little bit. They hadn’t even talked about anything yet. How long had they been together? How had they met? He didn’t know a single sing about Cas. What was his favorite color? Where did he grow up? Were his parents still alive? How old was he, goddamn?

Dean and Cas looked at each other, neither of them daring to speak first until Jess, angel from the high heavens answered for them.” Oh they just married a couple of weeks ago. You should brace yourselves, they’re embarrassingly affectionate.”

Dean exhaled at their teasing “Aaaaaw”. The first question. The  _easiest_  question and he already panicked. He had no idea how he was supposed to survive this.

“What about you and Jess, Sam?” he heard Jo asking. “For how long have you guys been hitched?”

They looked at each other full of love an adoration and Dean gave them their full attention. If he couldn’t learn something from those stupid lovebirds, then from whom?

Sam said, “About six months. The best six months of my life.” He pecked Jess on the lips before he continued. “She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. She’s incredible. She’s my best friend. When I’m sad I just have to think about her and I instantly feel better. She picks me up when I fall. She’s my rock. I would be nothing without her.”

Before he could say anything more Jess jumped him and started smothering him with kisses.

Dean fought the urge to gag.

That’s the moment the waitress arrived at their table. When she saw Sam and Jess all over each other she looked at Dean and smiled. Dean smiled back. She was really pretty. And judging by her eyes, wandering over his face and body Dean figured she might find him not so bad either. He smiled to himself as he stared at her ass when she walked away. Maybe he could go find her later and talk to her. Maybe they would find a closet or something and disappear for a little while.

Someone pointedly cleared his throat and he saw that everyone on the table was looking at him.  _Crap_. He’d totally forgotten where he was. He found it hard to get rid of old habits. Jo’s eyes were boring into him so intensely, he could almost feel a physical pain.

Castiel broke the silence. “You have to excuse him, he thinks with his penis and that thing is incredibly stupid.”

Okay, he deserved that.

To his big relieve everyone started laughing and Jo and Ash excused themselves to have some alone time. Only then could Dean breathe out and relax.

Sam punched his arm. “What the hell was that?!” he spat.

“I got carried away, okay? I didn’t mean to.” He defended himself and turned to Cas “I’m sorry.”

He just shrugged and grinned. “It’s okay, she really was hot, wasn’t she?”

“Hell yeah.” Dean laughed and now they both got punched.

“You two are such asshats. Did you forget where you are? You guys are married, for fuck’s sake.” And now Sam really lost his temper while Dean was rubbing the forming bruise on his shoulder.

“You behave like two hormones-driven fifteen-year-olds. You know that you have to be in  _love_ , right? If anyone gets wind of the fact that you two are faking it, you’ll be disqualified and you can kiss the money goodbye.” Jess was just silently nodding at every word Sam growled.

“From now on you guys are completely head over heels for each other, you hear me? You love each other more than anything. You can’t  _live_  without each other. You’re soul mates. You’re each other’s Achilles heel. When one of you cries, the other cries too. When one of you cheers, the other cheers too. When one of you-“

“Okay, Okay, we got it!” Dean interrupted, eyebrows raised. “Jesus, Sammy, calm down, would ya? We get it.”

Dean had never been in a relationship longer than a few months and not even then had he been in love. And now he had to play being completely mad about someone. He’d never said those words to anyone, because he’d never felt them. And now he had to be a husband. To a stranger. Someone he doesn’t even really know. He had no idea how to behave in a relationship; not to mention being  _married_.

But Sam was right. They couldn’t allow themselves to do this only half-heartedly.

He was fucked.

 

***

 

They got back to their room and decided to do some practicing. It seemed like Sam’s speech had intimidated Cas just as much as him.

“Your brother is terrifying.” He spoke under his breath as if Sam could hear him even though they were all alone. Dean did not find it endearing, not at all.

They sat down on the bed, cross-legged and facing each other. For an uncomfortable minute that felt like a month, they just sat, not daring to look at one another. Dean’s eyes wandered everywhere but Castiel. He didn’t really know what he would be comfortable with and what would make him flinch. The most physical contact they ever had was a sweaty handshake and some almost punches. So he remained still, hands stiff in his lap, fingers fidgeting.

Cas was the first to break the Silence. “Should I just-“

“Yeah.” Dean cut in, relieved and anxious, he couldn’t bear hearing Cas voice the rest of the question out loud.   _Should I just touch you?_

_Should I just put my hand on your knee?_

_Should I just kiss you?_

He felt it before he saw it, Castiel’s Hand resting on his shoulder before traveling a hesitant path down his arm oh so slowly, Dean had to suppress a shiver. The hand wandered down his upper arm, his elbow, his underarm, leaving a trace of goosebumps in their wake until it reached Dean’s own. Pressing palm to palm, fingers closing around his wrist and he was sure Cas could make out his rapid heartbeat under his skin with the tip of his fingers. It’d been too fucking long since he’d been touched.

He swallowed heavily and took Castiel’s other hand, not as smooth as Cas did, not by far. But it was better than nothing in Dean’s book. It was the best he was able to manage for now. He felt Cas’ thumb starting to stroke the back of his hand and Dean suddenly felt hot. He didn’t like the guy, but his body sure felt nice. For the first time since they sat down, he dared to look at him. Cas’ gaze was fixed on their joined hands, absent look on his face. Dean almost worried to disturb him with his unsteady breathing that suddenly felt too loud in the otherwise dead silent room. Their hands fit like puzzle pieces.

He could feel Castiel’s pulse, a little rapid, fluttering against his fingers. His skin was warm, soft and Dean swallowed the urge to press his lips against it.

They were only holding hands, but it somehow felt way too intimate, more intimate than most of the kisses he’d shared. Cas was touching him like he was something delicate that could break if he put too much strength into his touch. His throat tightened.

He was so tender, it didn’t match Cas’ usual aggressive attitude towards Dean. At all.

“Uh, Cas...” He croaked, just to say something, anything, just to break this weird spell they were under.

Cas broke out of his blankness with a few confused blinks and looked at him.

“I think that’s enough… for now.” His voice didn’t show any signs of being as affected by this as Dean was. They’d probably both planned to do more than holding hands. But there was a silent agreement between them, things just got really awkward really fast. He was pretty relieved when they parted and nearly fell over when Cas joked, “Should we practice kissing now?”

“Very funny. I’m not kissing you.”

When dusk turned into night and Dean listened to the birds bidding adieu to the fading day, he was pretty beat. Cas had laid down on his improvised bed on the floor. All sheets and blankets and pillows to make sleeping on the floor a little bit bearable. He’d been playing with his phone ever since without acknowledging Dean in any way, so there was no point in staying awake any longer.  However, sleep wouldn’t come, he was tossing and turning for hours, his mind too busy worrying about everything and nothing. 

So he just listened. Their steady breaths the only sound in the dark. After a few minutes he heard people from the corridor outside. Bickering and laughing, having fun, being in love, being alive. While Dean had no idea what he was doing anymore. What  _was_  he doing?

He was pretty sure Sam thought he was nuts. His little brother had always been the voice of his conscience and it was nothing new that Dean didn't listen to it. Not by far. But he couldn’t help himself to beat himself up, he just felt so stupid. He was a loser and everyone knew it. He couldn’t keep a relationship, couldn’t keep a job, and couldn’t even keep his home. And while any sane human being would’ve gotten their head out of their asses and done something about it, Dean got married to someone who obviously hated him. Just for the unlikely chance to win some money.

He didn’t even want to think about his parents. He’d plead Sam to tell them what he’d done, so he wouldn’t have to, and hadn’t answered any of their calls ever since. They wanted nothing more for their boys to be happy and just the thought of the telling-off he would get, gave him stomachaches. Because he’d never been as far away from happy as in this moment. He just felt lost.

The next morning he was groggy and tired, but decided to head down for breakfast while Cas was in the shower so Dean could have some time without him. And maybe get some space to breathe. Every moment he spent with Castiel he felt like he was suffocating. 

This time he shared his table with a quirky redhead and her girlfriend Dorothy. After the usual small talk, he found himself in deep conversation with them. He immediately felt better. They were nice and he knew that he found some allies in these two, especially Charlie who seemed to share every opinion he had on Joffrey Baratheon, that dick.

“He totally deserved to die, but believe me, they shouldn’t have killed him off that violently.” She stated while chewing her eggs. “Even the worst character has their die-hard fans and pissing them off is one of the worst mistakes you can make.”

Dean opened his mouth to reply but saw Castiel heading towards them and said, “Speaking of mistakes, have you met Cas?” with the sweetest voice he could manage. It earned him weird looks, but he really hadn’t been able to suppress this one.

Cas shot daggers through his heart with those blue eyes of his so he didn’t notice Dean, checking him out. The shock of dark hair was rumpled which didn’t fit into the rest of the picture. Cas was wearing dress pants and a blue tie that matched the crazy eyes perfectly. Dean felt kind of underdressed. Couples weren’t supposed to wear matching outfits, were they?

Cas’ voice was sweet as sugar as he greeted him, “Good morning, my little Winky Dink.” Dean had to try his hardest not to laugh at that ridiculous pet name. That was Cas’ plan? Being one of these embarrassing couples? No, thank you.

He tuned out of the conversation Cas started with the two ladies. He was eyeing the last piece of pie of the breakfast buffet hungrily and started shoving down his food so he could go get this beauty. He didn't see Cas following Dean’s gaze, but he sure as hell didn’t miss Cas standing abruptly. He walked over to the piece of pie, placed it on his plate, sat down again and started to eat the thing agonizingly slowly. Not to mention the exaggerated moans that left his mouth.

“Too bad there’s nothing left, Dean this pie is delicious.” He mocked and his voice was full of false sympathy, Dean’s blood was boiling.

 _Think of the Money, Dean_ , he advised himself. That was the only thing that kept him at this place.

“You ass.” He tried to get a forkful, but Cas quickly took the plate and held it out of Dean’s range with a mischievous smile on his face. 

“Oh, it is so on.” He warned threateningly.

The pie thief turned to Charlie and Dorothy and explained, “He shouldn’t each so much, he’s getting a little pudgy, you know.”

Before they could say anything in return Dean blurted out the first snarky remark he could think of. “Well, if you could give me sexual satisfaction I wouldn’t have to turn to food to make me happy.”

Addressing the girls he mumbled, “He’s got a little problem with getting it up if you know what I mean.” He smiled complacently at Cas, who shot him a  _you’re gonna pay for this_  look.

The girls had stopped eating minutes ago and just gaped at them like they were crazy. And who can blame them, they probably were.

He was just about to get back to business and continue stuffing his face full with food when his eyes fell on a waitress at the other end of the room. Her hair was black, shoulder length, her body delicate and feminine and, no, it couldn’t be her. Oh no. But then she turned around and Dean’s life got even worse. Lisa Braeden.

Just before her eyes could land on him, he shot from his chair, ignoring Cas’ startled shriek and crawled under the table. Yes, good. Behind the floor-length table cloth, he was perfectly hidden. That gave him enough time to completely freak out and think about what he was gonna say to her. The last words they ever shared had been something like  _Go to Hell_  and  _Not if you’re there, bastard_

What the hell was she doing at this place?

Cas, to his credit, kept a stiff upper lip just like Charlie and Dorothy. They were minding their own business as if nothing happened. It probably wasn’t the first time they’ve experienced a mental breakdown. Or they’d just seen enough ridiculous movies.

Dean's hand shot up and fumbled around. He felt knees, stomach, chest until he got a grip on that damn tie and nearly choked Cas when he pulled him down into his hiding place. He immediately put his hand on Cas’ mouth and whispered, “I just spotted my fucking ex-girlfriend, you need to tell me if she’s still here.” Cas’ eyes grew big and Dean let his hand fall down before he said, “I know. I don’t know why she’s here, I haven’t seen her in years.”

“Why don’t you just talk to her?” Cas asked.

Even if Dean had enough time to explain, he didn’t really want to. So he bossed, “Just do it, okay?”

But to his luck the man who was supposed to help him out was kind of pissed at him and Karma’s a bitch. “No. I’m not some bimbo you can boss around, just talk to her and get it over with. She’s probab-“

Cas didn’t get any further before the tablecloth got pulled up. The sun that filled the place under the table blended both of them, and the woman in question peeked at them. The amused smile on her lips died when she saw Dean and got replaced by a mix of emotions. Disbelieve, Confusion, Surprise. “Dean?!”

 

***

 

He stood in front of her, at a loss for words.  Lisa took him outside, behind the house so they could talk in private. Looking at her felt like no time had passed and like nothing between them had ever changed. Like he could reach over to her, put the loose strand of hair behind her ear and no one would think twice about it. But he composed himself because life sucks and time doesn’t slow for anyone, not even them.

So he just said, “You look good.” And she said, “You too. It’s good to see you, Dean.”

“What...what are you doing here?” he stuttered.

“There’s some event going on down here and I’m friends with the chef in the kitchen. He asked me if I would do him a favor and help out since they were a little short on staff. What about you?”

Her question brought him back from the weird dream like state of mind he was currently in. He stopped staring at her and replied, “I’m kind of participating in this event...thingy.” He rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. Now he had to tell her he was married and Lisa Braeden was the last person he wanted to tell that.

Bad break-up or not, he was still kind of fond of her. And with telling her about Cas the door would close forever.

But before he could think about making up some lie, she said, “This contest is for married people.”

It was more of a realization than a question and Dean could see the wheels spinning behind her eyes. 

“Yeah.”

Looking at her wasn’t so pleasant anymore, considering her eyes that had suddenly grown sad. But she recovered pretty quickly and put on a false smile. “I’m glad you found someone, Dean. I really am.”

“Yeah, he, uh… he’s great, he’s a great guy, I couldn’t be happier.” 

 

***

 

Cas was seated on the bed, loosening his tie when Dean got back to their room. He smiled at him teasingly, “How did it go?”

Falling face first onto the bed, his own voice was muffled. “She’s so pretty and I miss her.”

“Then get her back, stud.” Dean had no idea how Cas had managed to understand him.

He pushed himself up. “I couldn’t… I wouldn’t… How do I do that?”

“I don’t know. But you’ll have enough time to think of something since we’re gonna have to fake being in love for longer than originally planned.”

Dean sat up and looked at Cas, perplexed, “What are you talking about?”

Cas rolled his eyes as if he was talking to a retard. “The article?! The one-year-later article?”

On Dean’s dumb struck look he blurted, “Jesus Christ, Dean. Did you even listen to anything Becky said last night?”

“Oh.” Maybe he should’ve concentrated a little more. He smiled his charming smile. ”Oops.”

Cas only raised is eyebrows and Dean sighed. “It was boring and her voice was annoying okay? I didn’t think she would say anything important. What is that dumb article gonna be about?”

“They’re going to interview all the participants one year later. That means even after when we got out of here, we’re not off the hook. Their eyes will still be on us.”

What. “What?”

“You heard me. When they find out that we got married immediately before this and got divorced immediately after, don’t you think that’s gonna be a little suspicious? Maybe we should wait to get divorced for a little while.”

“When would that be? When our child’s off to college?”

“If it takes that long, yes.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Cas.” Dean tried to assure him as he sat up next to him, feed landing next to his on the floor. Their shoulders were almost touching and Dean could feel the waves of anxiety Cas was giving off. 

“There’s nothing suspicious about that. We’ll just have a friendly divorce. Happens all the time. We‘ll part as friends and they won’t think twice about it. We were two young, passionate guys, being drunk on love and got married a little too soon. Wouldn’t be the first ones.”

There was still a deep frown on Cas’ face so Dean quickly changed the subject, “What the hell was up with you at breakfast by the way? Winky Dink? Seriously, Cas?”

Cas grinned at him, “Sorry, I was improvising. What should I call you then? Honey? Darling? My precious?”

“Son of a bitch, have you ever been in a relationship before? We can stick to the casual  _babe_. Then we’re on the safe side and don’t draw too much attention to us.”

“If I call you babe, does that make me your daddy?”

Dean cringed in disgust and shoved him playfully.

 

***

 

An hour later they found themselves in a little bakery, a few blocks away from their temporary home. It was cupcake time. Yes, cupcakes. Dean had never felt as stupider in his entire life as in the moment he was tying the apron around his waist that read ”Kiss the baker” in big, bold letters. Cas wasn’t better off, the white cotton was the only thing that was acceptable about the thing. His chest said “Bakers Do It Sweeter”. What the hell.

Cas eyed him and he eyed Cas and Dean felt grumpier by the second. “This is too much.” He grumbled and reached for the deathly sling around his neck to get the damn thing off of him, but a voice in the front of the room made him stop in his tracks.

“Welcome to  _Cake a Diem_ , your first place to go in need of delicious pastries and cakes.” A young woman grinned. Her apron stated, “ _Keep calm and bake cupcakes”_.

“Before we start, I’d like to request for each couple to occupy a kitchen island. I’m Hannah and I will instruct you what to do, so you will receive the best outcome. Happy baking, everyone!”

As she got to work the other couples in the room gathered around their little kitchen islands until there was only one left, which Dean and Cas unwillingly inhabited.

Teaming up with Cas was a bigger problem that Dean would’ve imagined, the two couldn’t move around each other, as much as they tried. They constantly bumped into each other while they were trying to follow Hannah’s instructions.

After an hour and a half of stressful baking, Dean carefully took the cookies out of the oven. He had to admit they looked really delicious and he could feel his mouth watering when the sweet chocolate scent hit his nose. That’s when Cas stepped on his foot.  With a loud squeal he will deny until the day he dies, Dean dropped the baking-sheet and it landed with a loud clatter which resulted in all the cookies rolling around on the floor.

Cas later claimed it was accidentally, but Dean didn’t believe him a word.

He was  _this_  close to attacking Cas with the rolling pin. 

As Hannah claimed it wasn’t that big of a deal because the cookies had only been the warming up. They were supposed to take home the best cupcakes of their lives after all.

After that ridiculous incident, things went a little better until Dean was about to prepare the frosting. Cas was putting together the dough and Dean couldn’t help himself. He sneaked up behind him, sucked on his middle finger and stuck it up Castiel’s ear. The yelp he let out was probably one of the funniest things Dean had ever heard, but it got better when Cas, panicking as he was, pushed the volume of the mixer to the highest.  He was splattered with dough from head to toes. Literally.

By the time he managed to turn the mixer off Dean was halfway on the floor, oh my god, he was going to choke on his own laughter. That one was definitely the funniest moment of his life. It even topped the moment he found fifteen-year-old Sam practicing french kissing with a pillow.

By the looks of it, Cas was a hundred percent done with the day already, he looked at Dean dead serious, not saying a word. 

“I’m sorry.” He choked out between his giggles. “It’s just- that look on your face Cas, you should see yourself. It makes me happier than I’ve been in a really long time.” He took out his phone and snapped a picture.

“That’s actually all kinds of sad Dean. Even for you.”

“No, it’s not, shut up.”

After that they didn’t get another round of baking since the Bakery was only rented for the morning, they only had enough time to clean up their mess. Cas even untied Dean’s apron, which was pretty nice except that Cas strongly smelled like Vanilla and Cinnamon and Dean hoped he wouldn’t pass that onto him. “I Hope you washed your hands.”

After a moment of silence and a short pause, Cas said, “Suck it up, Winchester.”

They were the only ones going home without a box of cupcakes but if you’d ask Dean, it was worth it. 

 

***

 

The next morning he slowly woke up from a deep slumber as he sensed somebody watching him. He forced his eyes open and they fell on a figure standing above him. After blinking the sleep away he could make out Cas’ form, dressed in… were those biker short?

He may or may not have hallucinated a flush creeping on Castiel’s cheeks.

“Whatcha doin'.” He mumbled, still drunk on sleep.

“Waiting for you to wake up.”

“That’s creepy. What do you want?” He was already falling back asleep and that conversation wasn’t nearly interesting enough to keep him up at the asscrack of dawn.

“I need your iPod.” Okay, maybe it was interesting enough after all.

“Dude. We’re going hiking in-“ he turned to look at the clock on his nightstand, “Three hours and you need to go on a run before that? You’re such a freak.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

He shoved his face back into his pillow and heard Cas fumbling around in the dark room until he stopped and said, “Is that Taylor Swift?”

Oh, crap. “No, it’s not! What?!”

He was met with mocking silence.

“You shut up, you run before you hike, leave me alone, you’re not human.” He pulled the cover over his head and before Cas left the room he was asleep again.

The path they took was in a little forest and Dean was enjoying it more than he’d expected. The sunlight that shone through the tree crowns cast a shadow on their faces and the birds were chirping alongside the chatter of the group while he was getting to know them better. He learned that Charlie was working at freaking Google of all places, apparently, she was some kind of genius. Jo owned a Knife collection and Chuck was currently writing a book about two brothers fighting monsters.

Some interesting people they got there.

He also learned that Cas just turned thirty, just like Dean and had a Golden Retriever named Archer back home. His big Brother Gabriel was taking care of him while he was gone. They couldn’t talk freely because Charlie was accompanying them so Dean had to pretend he already knew everything when Cas told her about his life back home. 

Somehow along the way they started to talk about Dean. He told her (them) about Sammy and Jess, about their parents and with a note of melancholy about his (ex) Job. He even started to brag a little because he was fucking skilled.

“I mean I don’t want to brag, but I can put a Car back together faster than some of the guys who’ve been working as a mechanic for bazillions of years.”

Cas sounded honestly impressed, “Wow, Dean I knew you were good, but I didn’t know you were  _that_  good.”

And because he was fucking chipper he chuckled and sang out, “Oh babe, you have no idea.”

And in that moment his food chose to get caught on a tree root and his face chose to fall right into the dirt. Ouch.

Cas laughed wholeheartedly and mocked, “Is that so?  _Babe_?” 

Later that night when he was freshly showered, his foot was pulsing and he was lying in bed trying to fall asleep Cas’ voice was coming from his place on the floor, “Hey, stud?”

“What is it, Novak?”

“Let’s talk about Taylor Swift.”

Dean couldn’t fight a groan and the heaviest eye toll in the history of eye rolls.

“No, really, I want to know, when did you first start listening to Tay Tay?”

“Castiel…-“

“Was it before or after you started painting your nails and wearing dresses?”

Dean grabbed his pillow and shoved it in the Bastards face as hard as he could. Cas was still laughing about him, but at least he stopped talking.

 

***

 

Somehow, some days later, Cas exploded. It might have been the heat, it might have been the pent up frustration about their situation, it might also have been Dean’s dirty underwear all over their room. No one knows for sure, but it was probably, in some way, Dean’s fault.

One minute he was contently getting ready for breakfast and the other minute Cas stormed out of the Bathroom, Dean’s plaid boxer shorts in one Hand, pointing finger in the other hand, yelling, “I’ve had it up here with you!” furious look on his face.

And because Dean is a childish child who can’t admit to making mistakes he yelled back.

One thing led to another and Cas stormed downstairs, so he wouldn’t have to look into Dean’s stupid face any longer. Those were Cas’ words, not Dean’s by the way. Which resulted in Dean following him, which resulted in everyone in the lobby looking at them while they were shouting at each other.

“The whole bathroom is flooded every time you get out of the shower! What are you doing in there? Swim practice for the Olympics?” Castiel yelled.

“Oh yeah? And you… You talk in your sleep! Try getting some rest while somebody is endlessly babbling nonsense all night!” No one had to know that Dean found it all kinds of adorable.

“You drive me crazy!” Cas shouted, hands throwing up into the air with the manner of someone who no longer gave a fuck and stormed off, angrily grumbling to himself. Dean didn’t follow him this time.

“Yeah.” He said, resigned. “You too.” He could hear Chuck’s words in a hushed tone that was clearly not meant for his ears, “This won’t last a year.”

Dean ignored him.

And because it was Dean’s lucky day they were scheduled for a freaking boat trip. Dean was not a fan of ships. Okay, truth be told, he’d never really been on one, but since he found out he was terribly scared of flying he didn’t really trust his body anymore.

His bad mood was the reason he just kept to himself most of the day, grabbing some pie from the bar once in a while and trying not to gag every time Sam and Jess crossed his path, giggling and being ridiculously in love. They even reenacted that stupid fucking titanic scene, for god’s sakes. Against his expectations, the ship didn’t make him sea sick, but these two sure as hell did.

He was sitting on a bench, watching Jess as she leaned on the railing, arms spread wide, Sam standing behind her and keeping her in a tight embrace. She giggled and yelled, “I’m flying!” 

In that moment Cas decided to show up. He stood next to Dean and looked down on him.

“They’re gathering all the couples to take some pictures.”

Great, the last thing he wanted to do that moment was pretending to be happy and smiling into a camera.

Apparently, he’d said that out loud, considering Cas’ sigh, “Stop moping.”

He turned around and walked away, trusting Dean to follow him and Dean silently cursed himself as he got up and did just that.

Dean could make out the photographer before they reached him, he was standing there all alone like a child that lost their mom at the supermarket. He saw Andy and Jo and a few of the other guys, sun bathing, taking selfies and doing other boring things. No one bothered with the guy that was supposed to take pictures of them, who introduced himself as Richie. He was almost as tall as Sam, but lanky and had dark short curls.

Dean raised his eyebrows. “Where is everyone?”

Cas looked immensely uncomfortable and a little annoyed and Richie answered for him. “Oh, they’re done already. You two lovebirds are the only ones left.”

Oh, now they were supposed to shoot solo? Fucking hell.

“Great.”

Richie told them to lean against the railing and they did just as they were told, standing a few inches apart, limbs stiff at their sides.

“Aw guys come on, don’t be shy. Just pretend I’m not here.”

They shyly moved towards each other, until their shoulders brushed and he felt an arm hesitantly sneaking around his waist. Dean looked at Cas whose face was tense, body stiff, so he decided to take mercy on him and laid his arm around him. He could immediately feel Cas relaxing at that. Huh, interesting.

Richie must’ve been satisfied with that, “What a beautiful Couple!” he yelled and started snapping a thousand pictures a minute until they were free to go.

Cas was about to run off without a glance back, but Dean gripped his sleeve, “Cas?”

He turned and growled at Dean, “What?”

His blank mind made him open his mouth in a few sad attempts to get out the right words, but he couldn’t everything he came up with sounded stupid, or dull or lame in his head.

He was completely overwhelmed with everything, this situation, the current state of his life and especially Castiel. Yes, he was very confused about Castiel who was the most charming guy on the planet and could turn into an obnoxious asshat in the next second.

Dean had never had anyone remotely like Cas in his life before. He didn’t know how to handle him.

It might’ve been the up and down of the rocking ship or the heavy smell of the sea salt that was getting to his head and making him dizzy or the cries of the seagulls wheeling above their heads that made him say what he said next.

“I’m sorry about earlier.”

Cas’ eyes immediately turned soft and his face relaxed and since it didn’t look like he would get smitten anytime soon Dean got the courage to keep going.

“I know I can be an ass sometimes. And I should’ve handled the situation better, I didn’t mean to make you angry or anything, I just want you to know that. We’re in the same boat after all, right?” he smiled.

Cas looked like he was fighting a grin, but after a few seconds the corners of his mouth turned up anyway. “Did you make that innuendo on purpose or was that a happy accident? Saying we’re in the same boat while being on a boat?”

He couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “I would never make such a lame joke on purpose, I can tell you that much.”

“Yeah, whatever, you know what? I don’t know what you do with them, but after seeing your dirty boxers day after day I think I might be even more grossed out by you than I already was, Winchester.”

Oh, two could play that game.

“You can play hard to get all you want Novak, but I see the way you look at me. Don’t pretend you’re not thinking about me when you jerk off.”

“Careful Dean, don’t confuse disgust with desire.”

Seemed like they were back to normal.

He crawled to bed early that night, all the fresh air seemed to exhaust him. Maybe he should get back in shape. He thought about asking Cas if he wanted some company on one of his runs some time as he was coming back once again from  _'getting rid of his pent up energy'_ as he phrased it.

After a quick shower and some fumbling around Cas was finally at rest and Dean was just at the edge of consciousness as the now so familiar voice came out of the dark. “Dean?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you something?” It was barely more than a whisper.

“Sure.”

“Do you ever get the feeling like… you’re nothing more than a failure?”

He sounded so vulnerable it got Dean’s full attention. Where did that come from? As he propped himself up on his elbows, he asked, “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, it’s just like… everything I do- everything I  _touch_ , it all goes to hell eventually.”

Wow, that was some heavy talk for the middle of the night and a guy you just met. And he had no idea what to say. The fact that it seemed like Cas was opening up, trusting him with some of the things that were going on in that creepy head of his didn’t make it any easier.

Before he could say anything Cas continued, “I told you I’m on leave, but that’s not true. I got fired. I had to give back my badge and my gun and all that. They said I had trouble following orders. That I’m too rebellious. What a piece of crap, that is. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to think I’m weak, how fucked up is that?!“

He got really euphoric now, “And it’s not just this time. I mean I never finish anything. Never have.”

And who was Dean to judge, living on his brother’s couch? He was basically in the exact same place. Right now, in this moment, probably no one in this world could understand him better than Dean did.

He didn’t know if he was talking to Cas or himself when he said, “I don’t know Cas… maybe you just need to find something that’s worth holding onto.”

There wasn’t another word spoken by Castiel and Dean was left alone with his thoughts until he fell into a restless sleep.

 

***

 

Why was he so nervous? He didn’t give a rat’s ass about Cas so why did he care what his parents thought of him?

“It’s not what they think of him, it’s what they think of  _you_  that’s making you nervous.”

Sam Winchester was a monster.

“Yeah, dude. It’s obvious.”

Jess Winchester was also a monster.

He hadn’t known that there was going to be a Parents & Family weekend like at summer camp, he also hadn’t known that John and Mary Winchester eagerly agreed to come when Sam told them about it. If he had, he would’ve stabbed himself with one of Jo’s army knives she kept polishing at the breakfast table.

“I have nothing to be ashamed of.” He countered.

“Sure you don’t. Except, maybe your excessive love for Doctor Sexy.”

“Doctor Sexy?! Oh, this is too good to be true.” Oh great, Cas was joining the Conversation that’s exactly what he needed. Now the enemy knew about his greatest weakness.

“Thanks, Sammy.”

“You’re welcome, Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

“They’re here!” Jess pointed to the main entrance where all the families and relatives were arriving, arms full of baggage.

He was seeing his parents for the first time in weeks and he dreaded the conversation they were about to have. But not yet. Not when there were people and other reuniting families around them who would become witnesses of their little family drama. He tried to get a hold of himself. He’d somewhat been able to keep the nervousness under control, but his body thought different. He wiped his sweaty hands on his pants and swallowed a wave of anxiety.  

“Why don’t you relax?” Cas leaned over to him.

“Why don’t you kiss my ass? “  

“You’re such a scaredy-cat.”

What happened to the man spilling his heart out in the middle of the night? He could stand that one much better.

Mary was the first to fling her arms around his neck, quickly followed by John and after they embraced Sam and Jess as well they expectedly turned to Castiel, smiling brightly at the man.

“Mom, Dad. This is my-“  Yes, good question what was he? His temporary husband? His friend? Ugh.

“That’s my-  Cas...That’s my Cas.” He just blurted out, staring at his shoes. Calling him Husband was a little too much for Dean. God, he was such a coward.

The man in question grinned, “Nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Winchester.”

“Oh, give me none of that formal crap,” John answered. Yeah, that was his Dad, outspoken, but polite. “It’s John and Mary for you, boy. You’re a part of our family now.” He pulled him into a tight hug.

First Sam and now his dad? Why did everyone act like Cas was going to stick around?

Dean murmured to Sam, quietly enough for their parents not to hear it. “You told them that it’s fake, right?”

“Yes, of course, I did.”

Okay, fine, he could get through this.  _Think of the money, Dean. Just think of the money._

A few hours later Castiel’s brother Gabriel arrived and it didn’t look like Cas was happy about it. “What are you doing here? I didn’t ask for this.” He asked with big eyes.

“Aw, come on, baby bro, I can’t miss teasing you about your new lover boy over here for an entire weekend.” He grinned and shot Dean a wink.

_Think of the money._

They all had dinner together and after half an hour without any incident, Dean dared to hope that this was going to go better than he’d expected.

“So how’s Dean behaving, Cas? He a good boy to you?” John asked between his bites of Steak and mashed Potatoes.

Scratch that.

“Well, yeah. If you consider being incredibly annoying and rude as  _good_ , sure.” Cas answered, looking slightly bored.

Oh no, he couldn’t stand for that. “Excuse me? If I remember correctly,  _you_  are the one that’s constantly making fun of  _me_ , Cowboy.” He was getting into Cas’ face now, trying to look intimidating.

“Well, I wouldn’t need to make fun of you all the time if you wouldn’t be such a sissy.” Cas was being intimidating right back, with slightly more success.

“Oh, you take that back, Novak.” Dean was fletching his teeth now. Everyone else was watching in amusement.

“Or what?”

“Or, I swear to you, I will kick your ass so hard you can’t sit for a week.” Dean got really furious now and he was pretty sure his face was starting to get red.

He ignored Gabriel’s, “He should do something else to his ass that’ll make him unable to sit, if you know what I mean.”

Cas looked him into the eyes and got even closer, so close their noses were almost touching.

“I’d like to see you try, Winchester.”

They were staring at each other in rage a few more seconds until Mary’s voice filled the silence. “Aw, you guys are just like John and me when we were newly in love.”

John chuckled. “Yes, they’re just like us. Funny how history repeats itself, huh?” He leaned over and gave his wife a peck on the lips.

Dammit, they were just faking, his parents seemed to forget about that one little, significant fact. Dean was just about to remind them when he thought better and held himself back as he saw Becky wandering around the tables and chatting with the newcomers and their families.

Their little cover story would actually benefit from the carefreeness of his parents. Being uncomfortable or not, he had to suck it up.

So he bit his lip and casually took Castiel’s hand that was lying on top the table, for everyone to see and if that wasn’t one of the most embarrassing moments of his life.

Sam and Gabriel looked way too entertained for Dean’s liking and Jess looked close to breaking out into a laughing fit. Time to change the subject.

“So, Pops! Tell us about your new Hobby. What was it again? Bike riding?” he asked patronizingly.

John sounded annoyed as if they’d had this conversation about a million times already (Which they  _had._ Dean never said he was a good son, okay?).  “Well, it’s actually called bicycle touring.” At the same time as Cas said, “It’s called bicycle touring, you idiot.”

Dean’s fork was frozen halfway to his mouth. Wow.

Cas and his Dad immediately started an enthusiastic conversation about saddles and tires and hybrids and road bikes and what not like it was the most natural thing and they’d been best friends forever. And Dean was officially done. If he thought the two of them not getting along would be bad, the two of them  _getting_  along was even worse.

Gabriel must’ve seen the look on his face and grinned. “I guess People really always marry their father, huh Dean?”

“Shut up.” He actually didn’t mind Gabriel but he had a big mouth and it was slowly starting to get on Dean’s nerves.

He ignored Dean’s death stare and informed Cas, “I like this one. He’s much cuter than your usual bed bunnies.”

Before Cas could reply anything Jess asked, “How many bed bunnies does he have?” She got really interested now.

“Oh, I really don’t-“ Cas was interrupted by his lovely brother.

“Hundreds! Hundreds of bed bunnies, sweetheart, you have no idea.”

Dean raised his eyebrows.

“He’s exaggerating, I have not slept with hundreds of people.”

Dean chuckled, “Yeah, right Cas. You really want us to believe that? I didn’t know you were that much of a playboy.”

Before he could shoot a witty remark Mary said to Cas, “It’s okay, don’t worry honey.” And reported to Dean, “You should understand, of all people. A boy his age wants to… how do you say… spread his seeds.”

Forget everything he said before.  _That_  was the most embarrassing moment of his life. “Did you really just say that?”

After a few hours of unbearable chatter, everyone was retreating to their rooms and Dean was hugging his mom goodnight. She tenderly stroked his back, chin on his shoulder and murmured in his ear, “Don’t be too hard on him. He’s a good boy.”

“Yeah, but he’s also a big boy, mom. If you dish it out, you have to be able to take it.”

John lovingly slapped him on the shoulder when he parted with his mom, “I like him. This one’s a keeper, Dean.”

Yeah, except he didn’t intend to keep him, he wanted to get rid of him, throw him into the sun, as soon as he was leaving Dean alone. He couldn’t wait for the moment he could.

Mary shot him a last warning look before the elevator doors closed behind her and John.

Dean looked for Cas to tell him he was about to call it a night and found him in a silent conversation with Gabriel. All humor was gone from their faces. Cas looked like a kicked puppy and Gabe was talking insistently to him, a supporting hand on his shoulder.

“Hey Smuckers. Everything alright?” He asked as he reached them.

Cas looked up at him, ignoring the teasing pet name. Dean just wanted to wipe the frown off his face, but it didn't work. “Yeah, it’s fine.”

Dean raised his eyebrows and Gabe rolled his eyes on Cas’ stubbornness. “It’s our family. Our parents have a business to run so they couldn’t come, but our sister Anna is pretty pissed about this whole thing and it’s taking a toll on him. She’s taking care of his dog while I’m with him but that’s basically all she’ll do for Cas at this moment. ”

He didn’t know what to say so he just uttered, “Oh.”

Can’t really blame her for not agreeing with Cas’ life decisions, but the guy must’ve had his reasons. Just like Dean did.

Castiel was pretty quiet for the rest of the night, just looking up when Dean directly addressed him and even then he looked beat.

Dean was cuddled up in bed as we was watching Cas getting ready for a run and collecting his stupid running shorts when a line formed between his brows. The corners of his mouth turned down, and his eyes looked full of sorrow. It made him look so much younger than he was and Dean could feel a hand tightening around his heart.

“Cas?”

“Hmm?” he murmured, deep in thought and not looking up from the piece of clothing he was fiddling around with.

Dean gulped. “Do you wanna come to bed?” His voice was softer than he’d liked to admit.

That made Cas stop his movements and he warily looked up at Dean, searching his eyes for any sign of sarcasm or jocularity. But he found nothing but concern and tenderness. As if Dean would mess with him when Cas was in such a bad mood. He was not  _that_  much of an ass.

So Cas nodded, laid down the fabric of clothing and came over to the side of the bed Dean wasn’t occupying. As he slipped under the covers Dean slid over to give him more room and to avoid any unnecessary contact between them. One expression of fondness was enough for one day.

He turned off the lights and turned to his side, his back to Cas, staring at the curtains that were dancing with the summer breeze that was coming through the open window. It was reflecting the moonlight and cast the room in a dim, cool light. He could feel the warmth of Castiel’s body heat, could hear his breath in the silent room and he suddenly felt calm. Before he could drift off to sleep, Cas’ soft whisper puffed against his neck, „Thank you.”

And for the first time in weeks Dean fell asleep with a smile on his face.

 

***

 

He contently sighed as he was slowly waking up. The first thing he noticed was the morning sun that was shining way too brightly on his sleepy face. The next thing he noticed was something hard poking his ass.

It was getting slightly uncomfortable so he shifted a little which only resulted in a groan. But it wasn’t his groan it was coming from somebody next to him, with a rough voice and-

_Was that a penis?_

Yep, that was definitely a penis.

Holy shit, Cas’ Dick was pushing against his butt.

Wide-eyed, Dean found himself moving to try to get away from the man but only then did he realize Cas’ arm that was slung around his waist, so he didn’t really put any space between them, he just caused some friction which made Cas release a sleepy, silent, moan.

Oh god, Dean was starting to get really, really hard from all of this.

Nononono, Cas was  _not_  supposed to turn him on. Not this guy. Castiel was an arrogant, narcissistic bastard, who had his head that far up his ass, he wouldn’t be able to hear a foghorn if it’d be blown right next to him.

But there was still a part of Dean that was rational enough to notice these pink lips and those fucking blue eyes. And the bed hair. That stupid bed hair that made him look like he got fucked six ways from Sunday. Not to mention the lean curves of his body, the muscular arms and thick runner thighs and, fuck, little Dean really liked where this way going. And, oh, there it was. Now he had an erection. Wonderful.  He desperately needed to get away from this man right the fuck now.

He could feel Cas’ warm breath that puffed against his ear and it took every strength he had to slowly take Cas’ arm to lift it from his hip and slip out of his grasp.

 

***

 

They were all having a big barbecue at the pool the next day, the other couples, their families, but also the other hotel guests were present and Dean did everything he could to distract himself and forget about the  _incident_  that morning. It was the perfect weather to stuff your tummy full with steak and cool yourself off in the pool after a power nap in the sun. And that’s exactly what he did.

He was carrying his fully loaded plate to his deck chair when Chuck approached and greeted him with his usual chipper attitude.

“Hey Chuck, what’s up?” He asked as he sat down next to Sammy who was busy chewing his Salad. Eating Salad on a barbecue, what a loser.

“Oh, I just wanted to check in and ask if you’ve been enjoying your vacation, so far.”

“I’m eating steak at a pool, you can bet your ass I am enjoying this vacation, Chuck.”

Chuck laughed, “I’m happy to hear that. I just talked to your better half and he said about the same thing.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes.” He sat down on Dean’s other side. “You guys really seem to love each other very much.”

He could hear Sam choking on his food as he was trying not to laugh and broke out into a coughing fit instead.

“Oh yes, you have no idea.” He retorted with emphasis. Time to show off what he learned.

“What can I say?  He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He’s incredible. He’s my best friend. When I’m sad I just have to think about him and I instantly feel better. He picks me up when I fall. He’s my rock. I would be nothing without him.”

He could feel Sammy’s stare boring into his back. So what if he was repeating everything he’d said about Jess? The two of them didn’t have to prove anything, he could borrow some words, couldn’t he?

Chuck answered, “Oh, that’s so cute. You guys are adorable, I’m gonna have to tell Becky about this.” Before storming off.

He slowly turned around to face Sam with the most innocent grin he could manage, but it didn’t seem to do the trick because his brother just huffed and left before Dean could say anything. He followed Sam and tried to brush it off with a laugh when he got him to stop. “Come on Sammy I didn’t know what to say, okay? I’m not good at this stuff I have to borrow some tricks from the experts.”

Sam calmed down after that, but still looked slightly annoyed at him and said, “That’s because you never let anyone in long enough to be able to feel these words, Dean.”

Oh, come on. Dean really wasn’t up for an intervention. “Cut me some slack, Sam. I can’t. And you know it.”

That was the moment Gabe and Cas were coming over, concerned looks on their faces to see what was going on. Gabe was in his swimming trunks, holding a pink cocktail that looked way too fancy for a straight guy.

Cas was shirtless too, and Dean tried not to let his eyes wander.

Dean ignored them and continued, “I can’t fix it. And neither can you.”

He didn’t have a clue what they were talking about, but Gabriel’s eyes suddenly grew big and he yelled, “Holy cow, I know what our Dean-o needs! Only true love’s kiss can save him! Cas, hurry!” Shoving him towards Dean. Cas barely managed not to fall over and crash into Dean, their faces just a breath apart before he could stop himself.

Sam and Gabe broke out in laughter. Unbelievable how childish they could be.

He let them be and walked off to get some much-needed beer, but Cas followed him and stopped him with a hand around his wrist.

Dean stopped and looked at him expectantly.

“I, uh- I just wanted to say thank you. For- you know, for being so nice to me, when I needed it the most. So, uh. Thank you.”

Dean had kind of trouble looking Cas in the eyes since  _the incident_  so he just focused on his lips. Nope, not his lips, not a good idea. He just focused on the crease between his brows when he answered, “Sure. I’m not always an asshole, I can be nice. Sometimes.” and smiled.

Cas smiled back and Dean could swear his life quality increased. 

“Maybe, Winchester. But not as nice as me.” That competitive bastard.

“You think you’re nicer than me?”

“I know it.”  Cas stepped closer.

“Yeah, well. I’m prettier.” Had he just called himself pretty? He could just hope that nobody heard that, especially Sam. He’d never hear the end of it.

He didn’t even have time to get properly embarrassed before Cas purred, mischievous grin on his face, “I’m sexier.”

And what could he say to that? He really was, Dean didn’t have the strength to pretend otherwise anymore. And he wasn’t even replying anything, he was just staring and Cas was staring back and, fuck, now they were staring at each other’s lips. Because why the hell not, Cas’ lips looked fucking kissable and he was still wondering what they would taste like when a Frisbee came flying high speed, right at his head.

If somebody ever would’ve told him he would fall over and knock his head on the tiles in an attempt to avoid getting hit by a Frisbee, he would’ve laughed and advised them to cut the booze. But life is hard and Dean is a walking disaster. Well, now he was an unconscious disaster.

He woke up some time later, in bed, in his room, concerned faces staring down at him.

His parents, Sam, Jess, Gabe, Cas, Charlie. They were all there.

“Ah, crap.” He groaned.

Sam was the first of them to speak. “Now that we know you’re not dead I’m allowed to laugh, right?”

“Sam.” His mother warned. His dad laughed.

Charlie looked like she’d been crying, her eyes were red and her face swollen and Dean felt bad. He didn’t knock himself out on purpose but he couldn’t help himself, but feel guilty for worrying them.

Despite the looks of her, she sounded excited when she spoke. “It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen, Dean. I saw it, you know. I saw everything. One second you were about to have your way with Cas right there on the floor and the next second your face gets all terrified and your eyes get big and your mouth gets twisted in this weird grimace and you just fall over and get unconscious. At first, I thought you were trying to be funny, but then you didn’t get up. The more I think about it, the funnier it gets.”

Seems like they were all enjoying his man pain, now.

Jo was the next to speak, “Cas’ reaction was the best. He totally went into default mode and ordered everyone to get some ice and then he freaking carried you to your room. Bridal style. It was pretty cute. He was worried sick.”

Dean looked at Cas in disbelieve. “He was?”

He could see a blush on Cas’ face who rubbed his neck and didn’t say anything. Impressive, Cas’ acting was getting better and better.

He got to the bathroom and came back with a glass of water and held it out to Dean, “Drink this, you need to stay hydrated. You were out for quite some time.” Dean took it from Cas’ shaking hand.

Being the caring sister in law she was, Jess ordered him to stay in bed for the rest of the day.

“Oh come on!” He tried to protest, but she wasn’t having any of it, talking about a mild concussion and getting some rest and needing sleep and all that crap. Her mom was a doctor and she was convinced that she’d learned enough from her to know everything about the human body.

His head hurt pretty badly but after Jess gave him something for the pain he felt okay. So after a few hours of playing some games on his phone and watching TV, he was bored out of his mind.

That was, until Cas came in, proud smile on his face, Mom, Dad, Sam, Jess, Charlie, Jo, Dorothy, Ash and pretty much everyone else in tow. They had Popcorn, Ginger Ale, and Chips, set up the TV and put in Die Hard.

Cas had actually noticed Dean’s foul mood and round them up to keep him company. Dean couldn’t believe it, it was one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for him.

They cuddled up on the floor, on the couch, in the other corner of the room and Sam and Jess on the bed. And between them were him and Cas, bodies touching from shoulders to feet. The room was only lit by the flickering light of the TV and he wasn’t really focusing on the movie, more on the man next to him. He didn’t dare to look right at him. If he did his nose would’ve brushed his cheek and Dean was a chicken shit. But he wanted to. He really wanted to.

What had to be enough were their hands touching, back of hands bumping against each other until Dean slightly turned his own to hook his pinky finger with Cas’.

They were both staring at their hands now, Dean could see his face out of the corner of his eye when he whispered, “Thank you.” quiet enough for only them to hear.

Cas’ answering smile was enough of an answer.

 

***

 

Dean got a few days off to rest and he was a little relieved to be able to stay in bed when everyone else had to endure the most ridiculous things Becky and Chuck came up with.

Among others, he missed the salsa course for couples, and the wellness massage. Dean was especially glad to have missed the latter, after everything that’d happened with Cas in the last couple of days. The last thing he needed was popping a boner while seeing him half naked, sweaty, and oily and getting touched all over. But it was also the thing he wanted to see the most and that scared Dean to death.

So yes, staying at the hotel and putting some daylight between him and Castiel was probably the best thing, not to mention that he was finally able to catch up on his Spanish Soap Operas. Their families had gone home days ago and left nothing behind but nostalgia.

But sadly his little vacation of the vacation was bound to be over sooner or later. 

After a long day of golfing Cas got back when the sun had already set and for the first time since they’d arrived at the hotel, he’d ditched his usual run. He chose to sit on the window still instead, right next to Dean, watching heavy rain pouring down from the dark clouds hanging over them.

They’d already put on their PJ’s, Cas was wearing sweatpants and a gray shirt that showed his muscular forearms and freshly tanned skin.

The room was dark and the air was filled with the usual excitement during a summer storm. Neither of them spoke, both being content with enjoying the pleasant silence between them.

Dean loved summer. Especially days like this, when the unbearable heat made way for warm rain. When children, playing in the backyard, got shooed into the house by their parents. And couples had to flee and hide under the tree crowns that provided just enough protection to not get soaked. Yeah, he really loved these days and he was just about to tell Cas when Sam bust their door open and yelled, “Guys! You need to see this! Ash brought back some special cookies and everyone is completely out of their mind.”

Cas and Dean looked at each other in confusion before turning back to Sam. He asked his brother, “What do you mean?”

What Sam meant, as Dean later found out, was that their dear friend Ash was exactly as innocent as he looked. Apparently, he knew someone who knew someone who knew a guy who was pretty good at baking and was specialized in hash cookies. Which Ash brought back to the hotel and gave out to basically everyone from their group.

Sam led them downstairs to the lobby and Dean was taken aback by the absolute chaos that presented them.

As they wandered around they passed Andy peeing in the pot plant, releasing a pleased sigh. Gilda was running around in panic, but looked excited at the same time, yelling, “UFOS! They’re coming!”

Dean didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

They tried to find somebody that wasn’t completely out of their senses. Well, Raphael, who was dancing with a bar stool was out of the question. Also Michael, who was dry swimming on the carpet, which he took very seriously since he was also wearing goggles and a snorkel.

He looked at Cas, lips forming a soundless “ _What the hell”_

He shrugged and shook his head, looking slightly amused.

But there was a silver lining as he saw Jo, Charlie, and Meg sitting in the Lounge as they were watching everyone losing their mind around them.

He motioned to them with a sideways nod, “What about the power puff girls over there?”

They sat down opposite of them, Sam was busy explaining Gilda that the Aliens weren’t coming for them. Well, he was trying to. So it was just him and Cas and Dean saw Meg, eyeing his husband from head to toe the second they sat down. What a bitch, he knew there was a reason he didn’t like her.

“How come you guys, are still sane?” He asked.

Jo explained, “Well, I know my husband and I know better than to trust him when he brings food home.”

“So this isn’t the first time that happened?”

“Not at all, but this is the worst it has been. By far.” She answered, looking exhausted.

Charlie had to raise her voice to be heard over the excessive noise their fellow vacationers were making. “Yeah, no wonder. How much of the stuff did he put in there? I really don’t envy these people, a bad trip is nothing I’d wish anybody.”

Dean was just about to agree when Meg’s hand shot forward and landed on Castiel’s knee. She didn’t even give Dean a sideways glance as she asked, “How come you aren’t under the influence of the bad, bad cookies, handsome?”

Cas looked perplexed and stuttered, “Uhm- Uh…“  before Dean interrupted him, “We were busy having sex.” He hooked his arm with Cas’ and linked their fingers.  
They all looked at him in surprise, but he couldn’t stop himself to add, “Right  _Boo bear_? Hot, dirty Sex. You know, being  _married_  and all.” He stared angrily at her, but apparently, she still didn’t get the message.

She turned back to Cas and smiled, “Well if you ever want to have some  _good_ , hot and dirty sex, I’ll be in my room.” She winked at him seductively and, without another word, left upstairs, wiggling her butt. Dean gaped after her. He was pretty sure he looked like a fish, mouth opening and closing, but everyone else at the table was doing the same.

“What a bitch!” Charlie stated.

Cas eyed Dean curiously, “You okay, cheesecake?”

No, he was not okay. Dean was furious. He stormed off to their room with Cas following him, as soon as they were inside and the door was closed, he grumbled, “I’m so angry.”

“Why?” Cas looked surprised.

“Why? Because Meg’s a bitch, Charlie’s right.”

“You’re angry because she hit on me?”

“Yes, of course, I am! What was she thinking? I was sitting right there, next to you and she just goes and gropes your private parts!”

Cas smiled and huffed a laugh, “Alright, first of all, she didn’t grope my  _private parts_ , she groped my knee. And second, of all, I don’t get why you’re so angry. I thought it was just show for the girls, but apparently, it’s not. Why are you so upset about this? Dean, we’re not really a couple.” He emphasized every word as if Dean was stupid.

“Yeah, but she doesn’t know that!”

But Cas had a point. Why  _was_  he so angry? He didn’t care if Meg knew they were together or not, it still pissed him off.

Seeing her flirting with Cas like that punched all the air out of Dean’s lungs, his stomach hurt and his chest tightened. Maybe he just really didn’t like her.

Cas looked way too amused for Dean’s liking so he just huffed, turned off the light and went to bed without saying another word. Leaving Cas standing in the dark while thunder was growling in the distance.

 

***

 

The next morning Dean was still pissed at Cas. Hell, he was pissed at everything. He was pissed at Meg for hitting on Cas, he was pissed at Cas for enjoying it so much and he was pissed at himself for being pissed about it. 

That’s why he avoided everyone and everything that day. Luckily it was their day off so there wasn’t anything planned anyway. He’d laid at the pool and tried to tune out the world around him all day, trying to sort out the chaos in his head.

He knew this trip was going to be tough. Being with somebody he didn’t even know, living cramped together, pretending to be married, how could that not turn into a complicated mess? But what he’d expected was missing home, or wishing to be far, far away from this place, or desperately wanting to get rid of Cas.

What he hadn’t expected was finding his role to play easier and easier by the day. He didn’t expect himself to have fun, or to enjoy his time here or growing attached to the people he would meet here. And most certainly did he not expect to get fond of Castiel. He was the last person he ever would’ve thought he would find worthy of his time. He didn’t even notice when he stopped hating him and started to care about him.

But here he was, getting jealous. Jesus Christ on a unicycle was he jealous. And the more he thought about it the worse it got. At first, he thought it was because he really hated Meg and she was hitting on somebody he kind of cared about. But, the truth is, it could’ve been anybody. It could’ve been Benny, his best friend ever, and he still would get this unbearable feeling in his chest.

The problem wasn’t Meg, the problem was Cas. And that was a fucking problem. Getting a crush on the guy that hates you is not really smart. He had to pull himself together. He had to get through this without driving himself crazy. 

When he got back inside, he spotted Jo on the same Couch as yesterday, sipping a cocktail that suspiciously looked like a cock sucking Cowboy. Dean tried to ignore it when he sat down. “How’s the husband? Did he recover from the cookies?”

Jo rolled her eyes. “Don’t ask. I still haven’t talked to him.”

“You mad at him?”

“Hell yes, I am. Ash has pulled crap like this since forever, and I’m getting sick of it. At first, it was funny and cute and it was what I loved about him. Being so rebellious and carefree.”

She ignored the straw that was sticking out of her glass and took a huge gulp instead, throwing her head back and downing the whole drink at once before she continued, “But we’re both thirty now. We’ve grown up. Well, I have. Him, not so much. Sometimes I feel like I’m married to a child.”

Dean didn’t know what to say or how to make her feel better so he said, “Well, we’ve both been avoiding our other halves today, I know how you feel.”

“Still mad about the Meg thing?” She gave him a tired smile.

“Yep.”

At that moment her eyes light up as she focused on a point behind Dean. “Speaking of which.” A second later Cas sat down next to him.

“I know you’re still mad at me, but I know you, and I know that you still haven’t taken your meds yet because there was no one else around to remind you.”

Dean looked at him in surprise and Cas rolled his eyes and held up the bottle with the pain killers Jess had given him. He still had a pretty big bruise on his head and gave him something for the swelling and the pain and whatnot.

“You left this upstairs.”

“Oh.” He didn’t know what else to say.

He took the medicine from Cas’ outstretched Hand and thanked him and before he could say another word Cas shot him a light smile and he was gone again.

“You see? This is it.” With those words, Jo got Dean’s attention back.

“What?”

“That’s what I was just talking about. We never had this. I never got to have this with Ash.” She pointed between him and the empty space Cas had just been sitting on with a sad smile on her lips.

“What do you mean?”

“This closeness between you and him. Loving someone like that. I never had that. Not even with Ash. He would never care for me like Cas just did for you.”

If she only knew the truth. If she only knew they were only faking. Dean was so fucking close to telling her everything. He was so close to just say  _we’re acting, this isn’t real, I don’t even really know him_. And the unshed tears in her eyes almost broke his heart.

He stayed at the lobby after she’d gone to bed, took his pills and drank a beer. This trip was getting really depressing. All these damn couples with their pet names and good night kisses and inside jokes and random touches. They weren’t as perfect as Dean had always thought they were. He’d liked to stay in his little bubble of ignorance and pretend for them to be perfectly happy for a little longer.

It was getting pretty late and Dean was starting to feel dizzy for some reason and the world started to spin so he stayed on the couch, rest his head against the back and closed his eyes until Cas came down to look for him.

“What’s going on with you?” he asked as he was helping Dean up from his sitting position.

“That’s a good question, Cas. That’s a very good question…” he slurred.

Cas took his arm and slung it over his own shoulder to keep Dean upright as they walked to the elevator. “How many of those pills did you take, you idiot?”

“Four.”

“Four?!” Cas yelled.

“Jess said to take four!” Dean yelled back. When they reached their floor, they stepped out and headed (more stumbling on Dean’s part) to their room.

“Jess said to take four over the span of a day, not all at once, Jesus Christ!”

“Please stop yelling.”

“Sometimes I think I’m pretending to be your mother and not your husband,” Cas mumbled, which Dean found pretty funny. He was high, Okay? He was allowed to find it funny.

“Aah yessssss we pretend to be faking.” He laughed. “Crap, something about that sentence wasn’t right, was it?”

“You meant  _dating_ , Dean. We pretend to be dating.” Cas answered as he was opening their door one handed. He’d gotten unusually silent.

Castiel practically heard the light bulb go off in his head. “No, no, no it was right after all. We don’t pretend to be dating, Cas. We pretend to be  _faking_.” He was pretty satisfied with his conclusion so he hummed in victory.

Cas just let his limp body fall on the bed and mumbled, “You should sleep.” His voice tight.

Dean was out before he could take off his shoes.

 

***

 

Was there a better way to distract himself from his misery with Lisa fucking Braeden? No, there wasn’t. He’d completely forgotten about his mission to win her back, silly Dean. But her showing up here, of all places, had to mean something, right? Maybe the universe was bored enough to send him a sign or God was exceptionally nice to him. But really, who cares? She was there and so was Dean and that was the most important thing.

He found her in the dining hall, setting the tables for Dinner. She looked surprised to see him when he approached her, feeling hopeful and excited. They only ever saw each other at Breakfast and Dinner and while Dean was always trying to hold Castiel’s hand or put an arm around his shoulder, he always avoided doing so when she was around. 

You can imagine why. The look in her eyes when she did see them like this were not something Dean liked putting on her pretty face.

“Hey, Lis.” He greeted, smiling at her.

“Dean. What’s up? Everything okay?”

“Yes, everything’s fine, I just thought, maybe we could catch up sometime? You know, it’s been a long time since we had a decent talk, don’t you think?”

Her eyes softened and she smiled back at him, “I would like that very much, Dean.”

Jackpot.

“Awesome. How about tonight?”

She frowned, “Oh, tonight is not so good, I, uh- I have a date tonight.”

And within a second Dean’s plan had been ruined. And his chance to get her back.

He tried not let the disappointment show on his face. “So, you have someone?”

She shrugged, “You could say that.”

“Okay, that’s great, that’s good, that’s uh… good.” He stumbled. “Just let me know when you’re free and we can meet up.” He smiled and walked away before she could answer him. He wasn’t interested in catching up with her if he didn’t have a chance with her anymore. He just didn’t want to sound like an asshole.

He got back to his room and was glad to be alone. He took a long, hot shower and tried to wash off the stress and the grief that overcame him like a hammer to his head. He was bound to die alone, he realized that now. If Lisa didn’t want him anymore then who would? He never wanted to settle down anyway, but the last few weeks had woken something inside him that had been in a deep slumber his whole life. 

He dried himself off and laid down on the bed, facing the window. Just like that, he was lost in his own thoughts. 

Sometime later Cas came back from god knows where stopping when he saw him.

“If you try to comfort me, I will punch you.” Dean sniffed.

After a few moments, he could feel the mattress dipping when Cas sat down on the edge of the bed. “Why are you crying?”

He hadn’t even noticed the wet trail that covered his cheeks and the pillow underneath his head.

“I’m grieving.” He answered, resigned.

Cas’ voice was soft and quiet when he spoke. “Who are you grieving?”

“Myself. Isn’t that pathetic?” He turned around to look at Cas, whose eyes studied Dean’s face and looked so sad, Dean worried he might start crying too.

“No. It’s human.”

Dean sat up to be able to properly look him in the eyes.

“You think I’m not overdramatic?”

“Dean, I don’t even know why you’re sad. But no, I don’t think so. We all cry. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Thanks, Cas.”

“You don’t have to thank me. For anything. I just want to cheer you up because you’re really ugly when you cry and I’m sick of that face.”

Dean laughed, but Cas kept going, “It’s true. You look like one of these harbor seals that lost this little ball they always balance on their noses.”

The tears on his face had dried minutes ago and Dean’s face was split in two by the huge grin Cas had put on his face. Cas, who just opened his mouth to say another ridiculous thing, but only got out “You’re worse tha-“ before Dean put his fingers on his mouth, leaned up and put his lips to Castiel’s forehead.

He was met with stunned silence when he leaned back and the look on Cas’ face made Dean’s heart beat faster.

After a few moments of awkward silence Cas cleared his throat and shyly looked away from Dean, “I think I’ll just head to bed now. We could both use some sleep.”

When Dean nodded in agreement, he added, “Do you want to go to the bathroom first?”

“No, it’s okay, go ahead. And please stop being so nice to me, it’s creeping me out.”

He was rewarded with a smile.

 

***

 

Dean got woken up by  _Traveling Riverside Blues_ playing way too loudly for ass o’clock in the morning and a tired groan coming from the floor. It took him a few moments to realize that his phone was ringing and he fumbled the mattress with closed eyes to turn the damn thing off. But his hand found nothing but rumbled sheets and he sighed. “Where the hell is my phone?” Cas’ answer was nothing but another groan. Ugh.

He would’ve just ignored it to keep sleeping, but Led Zeppelin was still blasting out of the speaker. In an attempt to get up and look for it, he aggressively threw the blanket off of his body. He heard a dull noise followed by something, what was likely to be his phone falling onto the floor.

Cas blurted, “Ouch!” and Dean laughed mischievously. ”Found it.”

Unfortunately, the ringing had stopped just before he could answer the phone but he had one missed call from Sam. Just before he could call back, he got a text from his brother, asking if he and Cas would be at the Party tonight.

Apparently one of the couples was celebrating their silver wedding anniversary today and Becky and Chuck thought it would be cute to celebrate it with a huge party with everyone else involved.

He shot him a quick text, saying they would be there and got ready for the day. There was no point in going back to sleep after the action he’d just had to endure.

After Breakfast there was nothing much to do than kill time before the party started so he got back to their room to catch up on some sleep, take a shower and get ready for the evening. Cas, the social nerd he was, had been downstairs chatting with everyone and anyone all day and got back after quite some time. He was frantic and out of breath when he said, “I lost track of time.”  Getting some fresh clothes out of his bag. 

Dean was already dressed up in a dark blue button down and black Jeans. He was lying on the bed, on top of the sheets, texting his Mom. Dean really wasn’t in a hurry, as far as he was concerned, they could’ve ditched the whole thing that night. He didn’t even know these people, he may have talked to them once or twice but that was it. He’d made some great friends here, but they were none of them.

A few minutes later Cas came out of the bathroom, a cloud of deodorant and shower steam following him, so Dean sighed and dragged his lazy ass out of bed. He slowly walked to the door as if he’d all the time in the world and turned back to Cas when he harassed, “I’d like to get there before tomorrow if that would be possible.”

Dean rest his back against the door and grinned, “Oh Cas baby, I love it when you get bossy.” As he slowly pushed the door open with his back. 

Cas rolled his eyes, “You’re such a child.”

The party took place in a big hall, Dean hadn’t seen before. He wasn’t much of the decorating guy, but even he could appreciate the way the room was lit by a few dozen candles and fairy lights hanging above their heads. The ceiling light was dimmed and the paper hearts that hung on the wall put the room into a pink-colored dream for kitsch lovers.

He and Cas were at the buffet to try out the mini burgers they offered. Dean was staring at them in desperation, trying to decide if he wanted the one with the beef and onions or the one with chicken and bacon while Cas’ hand was resting on his back. Dean tried to ignore how good it felt. How ridiculously good. His hand was warm where it touched Dean, he could feel it even through his clothes.

 _Cas-Cas-Cas_ , thumped his heart and he couldn’t believe the huge crush he was rocking like a pop star.

That’s when Balthazar, one of Cas’ new sort-of friends approached them with his wife Jane. “Hey, you pack of cunts.”

Dean raised his glass to Balthazar, “Lovely to meet you, as always.”

They engaged in a boring conversation about their dogs and Balthazar and Jane’s children back home. Dean tried to take Cas’ hand as often as possible and Cas threw him looks of adoration and love every chance he got. He was just busy getting lost in Cas’ deep, blue eyes when he heard Balthazar mention his name. He’d completely zoned out for a moment.

“I heard Dean’s quite the firecracker, Cas. If the stories I’ve heard are true, how do you put up living with him without getting nuts?”  Balthazar laughed, it was obviously a joke, but Dean couldn’t help himself and scowled, until Cas answered, “It’s hell. But I love it.” He looked fondly at Dean and took his hand once again, and Dean almost believed him.

Jane squeaked, “Oh my god you guys are so cute! You behave like teenagers who are crushing on each other, it’s adorable. If you wouldn’t be married already I’d totally hook you up.” Before she took a sip from one of those fancy drinks with too many umbrellas and too much fruit as decoration.

 _Wow, awkward_ was all he could think.

Balthazar laughed, “I peeked at Becky’s notebook the other day and I think I should tell you that she refers to you guys as “the quirky couple”. This article is gonna be one hell of a ride.”

Cas smiled proudly at him and laughed. “Honey buns?”

“Yes, Angel face?”

“We should say hello to Charlie.”

The evening went pretty well after that, they talked to some of their friends, ate great food and pretended until they felt sick. Becky sat down on their table and had a quick chat with them, not without her notebook of course. They slayed. She was over the moon with him and Cas’  _young love._   He didn’t mind the interview one bit, he was actually really having fun and the beer had put him into a pleasant high, especially after Becky left them alone again to bother another couple.

That’s when Meg sat down at their table. She was smirking that creepy smirk of hers again and a shiver run down Dean’s spine. But it wasn’t a pleasant one, more like the shiver you get when you’re walking alone at night and get the feeling that somebody is following you.

“How come I’ve never seen you kiss?”

Dean needed a few tries before he could manage to speak, “What?”

She rest her elbow on the table and her chin on her hand. Her eyes wandered between him and Cas when she questioned, “You say you married when exactly? Just a few weeks ago? Aren’t you supposed to be in your honeymoon phase? So why have I never ever seen you guys lock lips?”

Dean knew what she was trying to do. The fewer couples there were, they bigger the chance for her to get the money. Dean had never hit a girl, but he was really tempted at that moment.

If Chuck and Becky would find out that they weren’t a real couple they would kick them out of there faster than they could come up with an apology.

Dean looked probably just as terrified as Cas who tried to play it cool, “You’ve been keeping track? That’s very unhealthy.”

Her smile just widened, “What can I say, I have a thing for sexy guys that look like they’re suffering from indigestion when they do nothing more than touch their husband.”

Cas gulped, “Well, we like to keep our private moments private, you know? Therefore, we have lots of sex. Like, a lot. Right,  _hon_?”

Dean added, “Uh, Yeah  _sweetie_! Tons.” He tried to make his smile look sincere and not nervous. “We can’t keep our fingers off each other, right smoochie poo?” Cas nodded enthusiastically.

“So you guys really love each other?”

“Um, Yeah. We do.”

“Well, here’s the thing. To me, it more looks like you’re faking.”

Oh god he was going to be sick.

Cas narrowed his eyes at her, “Why are you so nosy, Meg? Trying to draw the attention away from you? So no one will notice that you don’t love Alastair? How do we know you’re not the ones faking?”

That wiped the smug grin right off her face. “I-“

Cas interrupted her before she could say more, “You know I’m a cop, right? And you probably also know that sham marriages are very frowned upon in this country? You know that I could get you arrested?” He growled at her, his voice was low and predatory and Dean almost got scared of him.

Huh. Meg leaned back and Dean could see the fear in her eyes. Busted.

He couldn’t stop himself to add, “Yeah, that’s right. You better get out of our faces before we get  _really_  angry. Get lost, you little freak.”

With a scowl, she slowly got up and left them alone.

Holy crap on toast that actually worked. He wasn’t very surprised that Meg had a skeleton in her closet too, but still. Huh.

He grinned at Cas and Cas grinned back and rejoiced, “I totally lied. The state doesn’t give a crap about fake marriages, it’s not even illegal.” and Dean had never wanted to kiss anyone as badly as him in that moment.

He really needed to talk to Sam. He really, really, really needed to talk to  _Someone_. And if Samantha couldn’t help him, then who could? He found him at the other end of the room, watching Jess with a fond look in his eyes as she was dancing with Charlie to  _Cotton Eye Joe_. It was a mystery to Dean how you could watch something this awful with so much love in your eyes, but who was he to judge?

He sat down next to his brother. “Heya, Sammy.”

“Oh no, what’s wrong?”

How Sam did that was another mystery to him. Knowing exactly when something was nagging at Dean. He had asked him once when they were younger and he just said he could see it in Dean’s eyes. Just like now. He was already putting on his psychiatrist face.

Dean didn’t know how to approach the subject and after some moments of consideration, he decided to just full on go for it.

“Do you ever feel the need to do something really stupid?” he shyly looked at his brother whose look met his in confusion.

“In particular or in general?”

“In particular.”

“No, not really. Why? What do you wanna do?”

Now he could tell him. Lay all the cards on the table and listen to Sam telling him how stupid he was. How naïve. Giving him the  _I told you so_  speech, he’d probably already prepared. He just wanted to get rid of the longing that sat heavy on his heart. But was it really worth it? Sam couldn’t change anything. “I’d rather not tell.”

“Can I ask why?”

“When it’s out in the open it becomes real. And I don’t know if I can handle that.”

“Okay, Dean. But I can’t help if I don’t know what the problem is.” He said softly, looking at Dean with those puppy eyes of his.

“It’s okay, Sammy you don’t have to help.” He answered quietly already lost in thought again. Making his brother feel bad because Dean was an idiot was the last thing he wanted.

Sam nodded. “Just do what feels right.”

_Do what feels right…_

And what the hell would that be? Dean didn’t know what felt right and wrong anymore. He was too confused. There was too big of a mess inside his own mind. And that mess certainly didn’t get cleaned up when Cas’ outstretched hand came into his vision. “Dance with me.”

And before he could stop himself, think about all the reasons why he shouldn’t, he took his hand and let Cas lead him onto the dance floor.

He didn’t hear the music that was playing, probably some John Mayer song or something boring like that, he was too focused on Castiel as he slung his arm around Dean’s back and took his hand in his own. Before he knew it, he laid his arm around Castiel’s neck and pressed himself even closer, inhaling the scent of his deodorant, the sweat of his skin and something that smelled too much like home.

Dean closed his eyes.

He could feel Cas’ nose slowly brushing down his cheek and Dean was lost in their own little world. They were just hugging, but it felt so intimate it made him feel like is heart was bursting out of his chest. He felt like he would never need anything else than being in this man’s arms. He felt like he could do anything, as long as he was at his side; like this cruel world could do him no harm with the most important person, right in his arms. 

He unconsciously heard a distant voice calling his name and out of reflex he absently murmured, “Hmm?” his lips sliding down the side of Cas’ throat in a feather light touch as if he was lost in a dream. Because he was. Lost in a dream about him and Cas. About them, staying like this forever. Sharing their space, cooking breakfast together, fighting over the TV program, making love in every room of their house, forever.

But it would stay a dream. They would get out of this place, eventually. They would part ways, maybe shake hands, maybe even hug, but they would say goodbye for forever. The only communication they would have afterward would be signing the divorce papers.

“Dean!” Only now did he realize that someone was actually calling him, so he forced himself out of his trance and opened his eyes, “Y-Yeah?” his voice was scratchy.

Lisa was approaching them, looking completely wrecked, “I’m sorry to interrupt you guys, but can I talk to you for a minute?”

He apologetically looked at Cas who gave him a short smile. He desperately wanted to stay with him, but he figured it was better to get out of Castiel’s arms now before it was too late and he didn’t have the strength to do so anymore.

Lisa said she wanted to talk to him in private so he took her up to their room. They didn’t bother to put the lights on, the sun had just disappeared behind the horizon, but night wasn’t there yet, so it wasn’t too dark to see.

She quickly glanced at Castiel’s self-made bed on the floor in surprise, but chose to ignore it and sat down next to Dean on the bed. She looked like she was about to start crying. He knew that look. He’d seen it on more than one occasion. When she’d lost her grandmother, when she had a hard day at work when she’d broken her arm. When Dean moved out of their shared apartment.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

“I broke up with Matt.”

Oh.

“Oh.”

“I just… needed to talk to somebody and you’re the only person I have at this crazy hotel.”

“It’s okay Lis. You can talk to me about anything, you know that.”

She looked at him with big eyes. “Every time I get a new boyfriend… I… I don’t know how to say this without sounding stupid but every time I get together with somebody I compare them to you. I can’t do anything about it, it just happens.”

On Dean’s raised eyebrows, she added, “It’s just… I just think to myself 'Dean wouldn’t have done  _this'_  or 'Dean would have done  _that'_. I can’t help myself. Maybe I’m just not capable of having a relationship…”

The tears streamed down her face now and Dean couldn’t hold it inside any second longer. “Cas and I aren’t together.”

She looked up at him, “What?”

It was just spouting out now, no holding back. “We’re just here for the money. We married so we could come here and take part in this competition because we were both broke. But we’re not even a real couple I didn’t even know him until six weeks ago.”

“Oh... That explains,” she pointed at the rumpled sheets on the floor and Dean nodded, “Yeah.”

“But… that’s great, isn’t it?” she sounded excited now, her eyes got hopeful and Dean could see her lighting up again.

“What do you mean?” he asked. He would’ve expected her to slap him in his face, calling him a liar, not this.

“I mean,” she turned towards him and laid her hand on his knee. “That there’s still hope for us. We still got a chance of making this right. I know you wanted to talk to me the other day because you still feel something for me and I saw the look on your face when I told you about Matt. But it’s okay, Dean it’s not too late for us. Maybe we can try again.”

“I- I don’t-”

“Dean, it’s fine, you don’t have to say anything right now. Just think about it, okay?”

He was too dumbfounded to speak so he just nodded. Lisa gave him a peck on the cheek, got up and left him sitting there in the room that had turned dark after all.

 

***

 

He found the note the next day, waiting under the door of their hotel room.

 

_Dean,_

_Meet me after the closing ceremony at the pool if you want to give us another chance._

_Love,_

_Lisa_

He’d grasped the small piece of paper until his knuckles hurt and he got a lump in his throat he couldn’t swallow down. So he hid it under his pillow so no one would see, and more importantly, ask him about it. He was supposed to be happy, wasn’t he? Lisa, the girl of his dreams, the girl that got away was willing to come back to him. So why did it feel like Dean was losing the ground under his feet? Why did it feel like a door was closing, and not opening?

When a flash of blue eyes passed his thoughts, he ignored it and escaped to bed, trying to shut down his thoughts, just for once.

He was still trying to silence the mess in his head when Cas had long gotten back from hanging out with Balthazar and gone to bed himself. Dean was lying on his back and staring at the ceiling as if the cracks in it could tell him how he finally could sort out his life.

“Dean?” Castiel sounded shy and Dean wondered if he was about to hear another confession, but before he could ask, Cas continued to speak, “Do you ever think about us? Being a real couple?”

 “Sometimes.”  _Always._

He held his breath in the agonizing long moments of silence before Castiel huffed a sad laugh, “We would kill each other before one of us could say  _I want a divorce_.”

Suddenly Dean felt like crying. He swallowed and blinked til the tears in his eyes dried, but his chest still felt too tight, as if he didn’t fit into his own body anymore. He wanted to get up and lie down, next to Cas, he wanted to feel him next to him again, like that night he’d let him into his bed. He wouldn’t care if he had to sleep on the hard floor, ruining his back he just wanted to get to be close to him. Even though Cas was lying only few inches away from Dean, it felt too far away.

He was scared of the words that would come out if he’d speak so he kept his mouth shut and closed his eyes. When Cas’ breathing was evening out he was starting to mumble in his sleep, something that too plainly sounded like Dean’s name to be a coincidence. Dean was still staring at the ceiling.

It was the next day when Dean’s misery finally turned into his own personal hell. They were having breakfast, as usual, sharing their table with Charlie and Gilda and Dean was sharing knowing looks with Lisa every time she passed their table. But except for the fact Dean felt like a dirty cheater, the mood was light, their chatter happy and their smiles wide.

Cas was telling a story about how Gabriel had put a hundred condoms in his locker when they were still in high school, which had everyone cracking up when he finished his story, “The worst part is that everyone thought I was the one that put them in there because I was planning to use them all. I was the ultimate heartthrob afterwards. For girls  _and_  boys.”

And because Dean was getting better and better at pretending couple and because he couldn’t have stopped himself anyways, he said, “I don’t blame them. You’re still a heartthrob, Cas.”

Cas looked at him in surprised delight and smiled, “If I didn’t know better I would say that you’re jealous, stud.”

Dean snorted and rolled his eyes, “You wish, Cowboy”

Cas turned to Charlie and Gilda who were watching them in amused silence, “Isn’t he cute?” and then turned to Dean, looked him straight in the eyes and answered, “Don’t worry babe. I only love you.”

And because Dean was getting too good at this fucking game he grinned and said, “Yeah, I know. I love you too.” And stopped in his tracks.

He meant it, he realized. For the first time, he meant what he said. And for the first time he felt it. After agonizing weeks of pet names, words of affection, the tender looks,  _all this fucking pretending_ , it was the first time his love was real. He felt like all the air had been knocked out of his lungs.

Oh god, no. He was so far gone on this idiot and he hadn’t even realized how much until now. He knew he’d been crushing, not even Dean was that stupid, but love? Love was too strong a word for Dean. He’d tried to force himself to say it to Lisa when they’d been together, but it always felt wrong, felt like he just wanted to suck those words back in, not letting them escape his lips.

But thinking about Cas he just wanted to blurt them out, tell him over and over again, until he would get to see that bright smile again until everyone would get sick of it, except for Dean, he would never get enough.

It was such a revelation to himself, he was starting to feel dizzy. Everyone else on the table proceeded like nothing happened, like Dean’s world didn’t just get turned upside down. He was thankful nobody noticed any evidence of his inner freak out, noticed his face losing all his color. Or maybe he was getting red as a tomato, maybe both, but something was definitely happening to his face. So he excused himself and pretended he needed to make an important call and rushed upstairs.

He was only able to breathe again when he closed the door behind himself. He closed his eyes and leaned his head on the door, taking deep breathes. The last thing he wanted was to get a panic attack because he was in love.

Fuck, he was so fucked.

He didn’t know what he wanted more. Break out into a song like Cinderella or stab himself with a fork.

He didn’t know how long he was standing there, concentrating on the rise and fall of his chest. He didn’t even hear the Keycard that was unlocking the door. He only noticed Cas entering the room when the door banged against his head and he let out a cry of pain.

“Oh shit, sorry!” Cas yelled and replaced his hand with Dean’s that was rubbing on another bruise that was forming on his head. This vacation was getting more and more painful by the second.

“It’s okay, it’s not that bad.” Dean groaned out, but Cas wasn’t having any of his shit and hurried to the bathroom to get the first aid kid.

Dean rolled his eyes, “I’m serious, Cas, it’s okay, it doesn’t even hurt.”

He heard some of the doors of the bathroom cabinets being shoved open and closed until Cas let out a victory cry when he found what he was looking for. Seeing Cas worrying about him, lightened something inside of him and he couldn’t stop himself from grinning.

“Cas, I don’t need it.” The horror inside of him had been replaced by content and pure bliss the moment Cas had stepped into the room. And Dean felt like everything was going to be okay. He knew it was not, but he still got the feeling as if, he couldn’t fight it. He felt like he was drunk, “Don’t you know that I never feel any pain? My body is made out of marshmallows, glitter, and rainbows.”

“Oh, is that so?” Cas returned from the bathroom and walked over to Dean who was still standing in the middle of the room, having completely forgotten to sit down. Or do anything besides lusting for Cas, that is. “Cause those freckles on your nose sure don’t look like glitter.” He grinned, smug look on his face.

And just like that, he’d discovered Dean’s greatest insecurity. He was just about to cover them when Cas stopped his hand with his own. “Don’t.” His voice was almost as tender as the look he fixated Dean with.

His heart was pounding in his chest like crazy and the only thing he could think about was why the fuck he still didn’t know what Cas’ lips would feel like against his.

How his twitching muscles would feel like under his fingertips. How his body would feel against his own.

The cooling pack in Cas’ hand that wasn’t holding Dean’s was long forgotten. He was staring at Dean’s lips with such intensity Dean could feel heat building in his belly. He tried not to concentrate on his tongue wetting his lips like an instinct and he tried not to concentrate on Cas’ eyes tracking the movement hungrily, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. This was such a bad idea. So freaking bad. But Dean didn’t care anymore. He’d given up a long time ago. He just wanted to kiss.

But just before he could lean forward Cas stumbled, “I… I think I should go back… Charlie’s waiting for me. I promised I would give her some tips on bicycle touring.” Dean was at a loss for words so he nodded, trying not to looks disappointed, trying not to look like his heart was shattering to pieces.

Cas gave him the cooling pack and left and Dean counted to ten before he threw the thing on the bed and left too. He needed to let off some steam, talk to Sam and clear the air once and for all.

 

***

 

He knocked on Sam and Jess’ door while shifting from one foot to the other for a few minutes until his brother finally opened in nothing but a Hotel towel slung precariously low on his hips and fat droplets of water clinging to his collarbone. And a… Jesus Christ, he’d made a turban with his towel and put it on his superb head of hair.

He wanted to give a witty remark, but he was too overwhelmed with the Cas situation to come up with anything so he just punished his brother with a disbelieving look as he slid into the room without being invited.

He looked around the room, which looked identical to his and Cas’, “Where’s Jess?”

“At the pool. Apparently, Cas is giving some lesson about bicycle touring and she didn’t wanna miss that.”

“Of course she didn’t.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Never mind, Sammy. I wanted to talk to you about something.” He was actually kind of relieved that Jess wasn’t around, telling Sam was one thing, but having an audience? No, thank you.

Dean was pretty convinced everyone could see him making heart eyes at Cas, but confessing it out loud was another thing.

Sam got a horrified look in his eyes. “Who is it?”

He was just about to blurt it all out, but stopped and asked, “Who is what?” instead.

“Weren’t you just about to tell me that you had sex with someone? Because I know that look, Dean. It’s your  _I slept with someone I shouldn’t have slept with_  look.”

Oh, his brother knew him so well.

He cringed, “Yet.”

Sam repeated, “Yet?”

 “It’s complicated.” Suddenly, Sam’s eyes widened in realization. Maybe he should’ve phrased it differently, he'd accidentally used the exact same words as Sammy when they were on their flight to this very place. Sam knew this was going to get complicated, he’d known it right from the start and Dean tried so hard to prove him otherwise. And failed.

Sam looked like a mother that just got told her son wouldn’t return from war. He clutched his chest in horror and sat down on the windowsill, which looked really ridiculous, half naked in his stupid towel outfit.

Dean sat down on the bed, so he could face his brother. “In all seriousness, Sam. I fucked up. I just couldn’t help myself.”

“And now you don’t know what to do?”

Dean nodded, “And now I don’t know what to do.”

“But… it’s not too late. If you didn’t sleep with him, that means you’re still able to think rationally enough to not do something stupid. Technically, you haven’t fucked up yet.”

“But I want to. I really, really want to.”

Sam’s eyes turned soft on Dean’s desperation. “That bad, huh?”

Dean gulped, the hard part wasn’t over yet. “Yeah… but it’s more than that. It’s not just the sex. Hell, the sex wouldn’t be a problem, I can keep it in my pants if I have to.”

On Sam’s snort, he emphasized, “I can! Come on, Sammy give me a little credit.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

He needed a few moments to get the courage to say what he said next, “I think I love him.”

“Holy Jesus mother of Mary,” Sam yelled.

“You telling me, Sammy.” Dean didn’t dare look Sam in the eyes during his confession but now as he was looking up he saw his brother gaping like a fish, eyes wide open.

“Is it- Are you- How-“  

“Don’t hurt yourself.”

Sam took a deep breath and tried again. “Since when?”

“Does it matter? I don’t know. It just happened,  _I_  didn’t even notice until today. I just… I just love him, that’s all I know.”

Dean started fiddling with his fingers like a child that got busted eating too much candy.

“So, what are you going to do?” Sam asked, looking more and more like he was pitying him and Dean hated it.

“I don’t know. I have three options.” He started counting with his fingers. “One: I could tell him and risk him throwing a bitch fit and never talking to me ever again and making the time we have left together very uncomfortable. Two: I don’t tell him and I will spend the rest of my life pining over him. Three…”

When he stopped talking Sam eagerly asked, “What’s three?”

“Three: I tell him and he… returns my feelings and we live happily ever after.”

“What?”

“Would that be so odd? That he would fall for me too, Sammy? I think I just happened to accidentally marry my one true love.”

“Are you crazy?”

“I don’t think so. Why?”

“This isn’t a Disney Movie, Dean. And you’re not some princess that falls in love and everything’s fine.”

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Sammy was usually the one all for true love and getting 2.5 children and a house in the suburbs. Dean lost count on how many times he’d have to listen to Sam pleading to go out, to meet people, to not break up with one of his countless hookups because  _maybe she’s the one, Dean._

“Why not?”

“Because it’s never that easy.”

“It’s with you and Jess.” Dean was losing hope. If his brother didn’t think it would work out, who was Dean to think otherwise? He didn’t have a clue about relationships, not as Sammy did.

His brother looked at him with sad eyes, “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

Dean shot him a sad smile, “I think it’s too late for that.”

“Oh, Dean…”

He got up to leave, he didn’t want to face his brother, didn’t want him so see his eyes getting red, filling with tears, losing hope.

“It’s okay, Sammy. I’m a big boy, I can handle this.” And without waiting for a response he left the room to go to his own and wallow in his own pity. 

 

***

 

He didn’t see much of Cas for the rest of day, he was too busy being loved. Dean had gotten down to get some company and saw him surrounded by a group of people who was listening to him in awe. Dean didn’t blame them.

What was not to love about him? The crinkles around his eyes when he laughed? His blue eyes, which lightened up while he was talking about something he was passionate about? His strong, tender hands that were gesticulating as he was talking?

Not a thing about him wasn’t worth every inch of love Dean had to give. He couldn’t believe he ever hated this man. If he ever did, Dean wasn’t so sure anymore as he was watching him.

It was like not remembering what the sun felt like on his skin in the depths of winter, not being able to think about eating ever again when stuffed full with burgers. Not being able to imagine a life without Castiel when he was right there, looking at Dean across the room like he was the sick person and Dean was his medicine.

For the first time in his life, Dean felt like he was at the right time, at the right place. When he was with Lisa he was always feeling like he was playing a game, being someone he wasn’t, living a life he didn’t want to live.

It was like the world had been trying to make someone out of him that he wasn’t comfortable being. Life deliberately messed with him. Fucking him up. Making him  _sick_ , with this sense of duty to please everyone around him, his girlfriend, his family, his boss. And who could blame him for losing Lisa when he was trying so hard not to?

But life isn’t always the problem. Sometimes people just change. Not because of the world, but because of themselves.

With a strange sense of contentedness, he turned around and got back to their room. He was getting sick of feeling like this when there wasn’t anything he could do about it. So he tried distracting himself by playing games on his phone and texting his Mom until he fell asleep watching a documentary about Cats like the sad person that he was.

 

***

 

It was the next day when Dean felt like the universe was trying to cheer him up for once. They were standing on the biggest paintball field, he’d ever seen and with the excited chatter of their friends as background noise they were putting on their gear. The sun was burning down on them and Dean could’ve sworn it was hotter than hell.

He wiped his forehead and watched Cas. He was standing only a few feet away from him, trying to figure out where to stash his ammo. The crease between his eyebrows told Dean how freaking concentrated he was on this stupid little task and he couldn’t fight the smile that was creeping on his lips.

He let his eyes wander down Cas’ body. His hair was the usual mess and he’d already put on gloves and the camouflage overall but had let the upper half hang loosely around his hips so his torso didn’t hold anything but a white undershirt, showing off his muscles and Dean leaned a little closer to get a better look of his nipples through the fabric.

Before he could start drooling, though, Cas put on the rest of the uniform, Chest protector, and oversized goggles only to turn to Dean and smile proudly at him. Despite looking completely ridiculous Dean didn’t think he’d ever seen anything more beautiful.

They were separated into two teams and to make it more fun, Chuck and Becky decided to part the couples and make them fight against each other. There was a time when he would’ve been freakin’ delighted to be allowed to shoot Cas without everyone getting mad at him, but now he was disappointed to not be able to fight alongside him.

A few hours later he was in the middle of battle, lying in ambush behind a little cabin. He was just about to put a bullet into Meg.  _Finally_. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he’d dreamed about this situation more than once. With a smile, he put his finger on the trigger but before he could pull it, a big, green paint stain spread out on her chest which made her curse like a sailor. It would’ve been funny if it’d been him that was responsible for her rage.

He was about to have a serious word with whoever took the fun away from him, but when he turned around, he saw Cas standing behind him, just putting his marker down, a big grin on his face and his fury turned into arousal when Cas growled “Wipe that look off your face, Winchester. All is fair in love and war.”

Dean smiled, “You just took out one of your own, Novak. What the hell?”

He shrugged and took the goggle off of his eyes to put them onto his head to have a better look at Dean. “Playing on my team or not, she was still a bitch.” He talked as if he’d really killed her, Dean was starting to suspect that he was taking this game way too seriously. What a dork.  

Why not play along? “And now you’re going to kill me?”

After some played contemplating he answered, “I don’t think so, but don’t tell anyone. We could join forces, what do you think? I have a thing for the forbidden ones, you know?”

That shouldn’t be as sexy as it was. The physical effort of running around and playing war all day had made Cas’ cheeks flushed under his tan and his eyes were wide and bright. Dean watched him staring at him in anticipation while Cas wet his lips with his pink tongue only to bite them afterward. He looked so handsome Dean felt arousal hit him like a fist to the gut. Cas was glowing. He was as radiant as the sun and Dean was blinded.

Dean tried to pull himself together and play it cool. Cas was still waiting for an answer and if Dean was staring any second longer like that he would give himself and his stupid crush away. “Not a chance.” he got up from his crowded position on the floor and stood before Cas. Dean lowered his voice even though there was no one near them, better safe than sorry. “There is no us, remember? We’re just pretending.”

Cas’ eyes were hooded when he spoke, “You sure? Cause you were eye-fucking me pretty hard the other day.”

Dean’s heart was beating so hard he could feel it in his legs. He smiled at Cas while trying not to avert his gaze from those insane eyes that were staring right into his soul. “I’m pretty good at pretending.”

The corners of Castiel’s mouth turned up in a silent smile, a gentle curve of perfectly bowed lips that Dean really wanted to kiss until his mouth knew the shape by heart. He stepped closer until their chests were touching and breathed, “Really? As a matter of fact, I know that you are not.”

Cas’ sweet breath tickled his lips and his words settled down inside of Dean like a seed and they were growing and growing, spreading and rooting on every fabric of his being.

A shiver ran down his spine.

This man was going to be the end of him and he didn’t mind one bit.

Before he could say anything, though, they were interrupted by Jo’s happy chatter, “What are you doing, Cas? Indulging with the enemy, I cannot tolerate that.” Funny enough, they sprung apart like they got caught doing something forbidden when playing in love was what they’d been trying to do all along.

Jo was smeared with red paint from head to toe. Her face looked like she was wearing a mask and Dean asked himself who the hell had done that to her. Or maybe she was just really bad at this game.

He laughed, “Aw, come on Jo, have mercy.”

She smiled, “Only for you, Dean.”

“You’re the best.” He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek, tasting the disgusting paint on his lips and she giggled.

Cas laughed and put his hand on her stomach to get some of the paint on his palm only to put it on Dean’s shoulder, leaving a red hand print, “Now you’re mine. I’ve marked you up.”

Dean pretended to be pissed at getting his uniform ruined, but couldn’t stop smiling internally. 

 

***

 

After a few hours, they were completely beat. Cas had no mercy on anyone and anything and his abandonment quickly infected the rest of his team. They were slayers. It was the most fun Dean had in months and he was still a giggling mess, high on adrenaline when they got back to their room that evening.

When the door closed behind them he let out a big sigh, “That was awesome.”

He heard Cas chuckle behind him. The mood between them hadn’t changed since their conversation earlier, there was still this buzzing energy, making Dean nervous and feel giddy.

“Sounds like you had fun.”

“Are you kidding me? It was great. You were great, you were like a machine, dude. Awesome.”

Cas came to stand right in front of him, a content smile on his face. “Next time I want you on my team. Then I’m making you my second in command, then you can do all the shitty work if you like it so much.”

Next time. There wouldn’t be a next time.

Dean let out a breathless laugh, “Cas, you could do whatever the hell you want with me and I’d surrender.” He didn’t know what came over him but the words stumbled out before he thought about them.

Cas’ face had gone serious when he asked, “Anything?” His eyes, half lidded, gazed hungrily at Dean, his mouth a whisper away from Dean’s as the soft puff of his breath ghosted over his lips.

Being too breathless to talk Dean just smiled and nodded in agreement. Silent, Cas let his gaze fall from Dean’s eyes down to his lips and Dean’s smile disappeared. He knew, right then, that Cas was going to kiss him. No interruptions, no retreats, just lips on lips. He stopped breathing.

His eyes flickered between Cas’ eyes and his lips, it couldn’t be. No, he couldn’t – he wouldn’t. But he did.

Cas closed the distance between them and put his lips on Dean’s. His eyes fluttered shut and all thoughts got wiped off his brain the second they touched and Dean was reduced to a gasping mess, kissing back, grasping Cas’ back to pull him closer. Finally.  _Finally_.

Cas’ lips felt chapped as they roughly slid against his own, catching Dean’s bottom lip between them. He slung his arms around Dean’s waist, pulling him closer until they were chest to chest, pressed flush against each other.

The room was filled with the sound of their mouths gliding over each other and Dean never wanted it to stop. He loved Cas’ lips, they were wet and warm and soft.

Cas’ sweet breath filled his lungs, hot and sexy and warm and sweet and Dean was in heaven.

Cas’ tongue was hot and wet when it traced over Dean’s lips until he opened up and Cas was able to lick into his mouth, smooth and graceful against Dean’s own tongue.  Cas shuddered, grabbing Dean’s hips and slamming him against the wall before breaking the kiss to catch Dean’s bottom lip between his teeth. Holy fuck. He wasn’t able to suppress his moan even if he’d wanted to.

He knew that this was such a very fucking bad idea, but he wanted so much he didn’t care anymore. He wanted Cas. More than anything. He’d tried to ignore it for so long, but why the hell not? Why not give in the urge and let himself be happy? For just one, tiny little moment? Dean was tired of fighting.

Yes, he was tired of fighting so he held onto the man in his arms as if he never intended to let him go ever again.

Dean started to let his hands wander under Cas’ shirt, feeling the strong back muscles as they moved under Dean’s palms.  He let them wander to Cas’ chest which caused him to release a gasp into Dean’s mouth and he couldn’t stop the answering moan that escaped his lips.

Dean started pulling on the back of Cas’ shirt and they parted long enough for Dean to yank it off him before crashing their mouths back together, pressing his chest to Dean’s. Oh yes, this was happening.

Cas grabbed his wrists and pinned them above his head, moving his hands down Dean’s arms, his armpits, tickling him with feather light touches, letting them wander down his sides until he let them rest at his hips. Dean sighed into his mouth in return and Cas pulled back so their lips just slightly touched when he spoke, “Wha- What do you want, Dean?” sounding absolutely wrecked.

They were breathing into each other’s open mouths, until Dean got impatient and moved down, nipping at Castiel’s neck, right over the point where he could feel his heart beating rapidly. He mumbled, “You.”

Cas’ body shook against his as he laughed, “Obviously. How do you want me?”

“I wanna ride your dick.” He breathed, distracted as he pinched Cas’ stiffening nipple between thumb and forefinger and Cas looked like he could die right in this moment and be perfectly okay with it.

Dean didn’t care that he sounded eager or desperate. Because he was. Desperate for Cas. He had to feel him, taste him, just once, just to get him out of his system. He  _needed_.

Somehow they moved backward until Dean landed with his back on the bed, Cas hovering between his legs and biting his throat. He slipped his hands under Dean’s shirt to pull it up, and Dean gratefully lift his shoulders off the mattress, long enough for Cas to pull it over his head. He shivered when he felt the cool air on his skin, but warmed up when Cas leaned down into another deep kiss as if any second without his lips was too much and not enough.

After a few moments of just nipping and biting Dean’s mouth Cas’ lips were on Dean’s collarbone, wandering down to his chest, kissing every inch of him he could reach. Dean’s body was covered in a light sheen of sweat and Cas made sure to taste every last bit.

He pulled Cas’ dark hair and tugged to get him back to his mouth, but that only set him off more and he released a long, drawn out groan while he was sucking hickeys into Dean’s hips, just above the waistband of his Jeans. Kinky Bastard.

“Fuck.” He moaned, throwing his head back. He was so hard, just from kissing and if Cas wouldn’t move this forward a bit he was gonna come in his pants. He could feel the outline of Cas’ hard cock as he practically started to dry hump Dean’s thigh with a desperate roll of his hips. Hips arching into his touch Dean creaked out, “C’mon Cas. You gonna keep me waiting forever? Need you.” before rolling them over.

Cas let out a surprised gasp but happily played along with Dean’s plan. Straddling him, he leaned down to suck one of Cas’ nipples into his mouth, his hands wandering up and down his chest.

Dean kissed down Cas’ torso, smelling his sun kissed skin. Tracing sunburn with his lips, his tongue, eventually his teeth, and the bittersweet pain made Castiel moan in pleasure.

He heard Cas unbuckling his belt and a wave of anticipation flashed over Dean - a promise of what was coming next.

He quickly got out of his own pants and helped Cas get rid of his. Hurried movements filled with the need to finally be together. Cas’ briefs were already soaked with pre-come and the bulge that was hiding under the fabric was giving him a sneak peek of Cas’ cock. He tugged the pants down and his mouth watered.

Cas’ dick was long and thick, rock hard and leaking small drops of pearly fluid. Dean took the tip in his mouth and they both moaned as he swirled his tongue around it before taking him deeper. Cas tasted like come and sweat and Dean thought he was gonna come right then.

Cas’ whole body shivered and he moaned, “God, Dean. If you want me to fuck you, you better stop or the show’s gonna be over sooner than later.”

He felt a surge of pride at Cas’ words but pulled off to get a bottle of lube out of his suitcase.

When he found what he was looking for he turned back to Cas only to see him lazily stroking his leaking cock and watching Dean with a heated look. The afternoon sun cast the room in gold, laying it over Cas’ body like a blanket. He looked beautiful. His chest was heaving with the heavy breaths he took and Dean was back on the bed in the blink of an eye.

“Are you clean? Please tell me you’re clean.” He needed to feel Cas without anything between them.

Cas nodded, “Yeah, forget the condom. Open yourself up for me, Dean.” Cas’ fingers started to play with the slit of his dick before it disappeared in his fist again. Dean wished it was his own fingers. There were so many things he wanted to do to Cas it made his head spin with arousal.

After spreading the lube on his fingers, he made quick work in prepping himself, shoving them into his fluttering, expecting hole, one, then two and he knew he was finally ready when he was three fingers in, riding them like he needed it. Hell, he would’ve let Cas fuck him open with just the head of his dick if he wanted to. He was willing to do anything for Cas at this point. He was watching Dean, stroking his dick in the same rhythm as Dean was fucking himself back on his fingers.

He needed Cas inside him,  _yesterday,_ so Dean raised himself on his knees, took Cas’ cock and guided the tip into his clenching hole, panting loudly as he breached him. Slowly he lowered himself, taking all of Cas deep inside.

Cas threw his head back and moaned at the slick, tight heat that enveloped him. What he wouldn't have given to remember that sound for the rest of his days.

Dean made a picture of pure pleasure as he was filled up and pushed himself down on Cas’ cock. He loved it. He loved how Cas was just draped below him, immovable and waiting. All those relaxed muscles tensed as he took him in more and more, tightening himself around Cas’ shaft, watching the man’s eyes burst when he was finally seated and let out a deep, rumbling moan.

Feeling the head of Cas’ cock pushing inside him made Dean cry out.

“Fuck, you feel so good.” Cas whispered between breaths and Dean nodded as he was getting used to Cas moving inside him, too blissed out to speak.

He braced his arms against Cas’ chest and gasped when he slowly moved his hips forward.

Dean had always loved that moment when pain transitioned into pleasure and, holy hell, did he feel pleasure when he started to rock his hips, riding Cas in earnest. He felt Cas’ hands on his hips, helping him lift himself up even more as his movements got faster and their moans louder every time he hit that perfect spot inside of Dean that caused him to clench around his leaking cock. In no time he was reduced to a sobbing mess, chanting Cas’ name like a prayer that was finally being answered. Everything was erased from his mind, everything but  _Cas_.

Cas, who looked absolutely wrecked. His body was marked with hickeys already, his chest was heaving and his pupils dilated. He didn’t avert his gaze from Dean’s face that was lost in ecstasy for even one second. The room was filled with their moans and gasps and the sound of Cas’ balls slapping against Dean’s ass over and over again as he was drilling into Dean with hard, fast thrusts.

His entire body was on fire, burning him up from inside and Dean heard himself sob. He had to bite his lips to not scream in pleasure and he could already feel his orgasm building, he was just about to warn him when Cas turned them over without slipping out. Dean landed on his back again and Cas started slowly rocking into him, slowly but still deep and hard and Dean wrapped his arms and legs around Cas and buried his face into his neck as he threat his fingers through Cas’ hair.

Dean was so desperate, so needy, so  _ready_  that he spread his legs even wider, his nails scratching along Cas’ lower back when he got lost in the feeling of Cas thrusting into him.

Cas left kisses all over Dean’s face, his cheeks, his nose until he let his lips rest against his temple. His voice was full of pleasure when he murmured into Dean’s neck, “Oh, Dean. I’ve wanted this for so long. Since the moment I first saw you.”

Dean wasn’t able to do anything but whimper, partly because of the hot guy that was hitting his prostate over and over again, partly because of the confession he just got to hear and never thought he would.

His cock bobbed between their bellies, hard and aching and leaking and he was so fucking close as Cas rocked into him, every snap of his hips harder than the one before as he kissed his lids and his mouth and his neck, everything he could reach with his mouth in this position. Dean pulled him in even further with his hands on his ass, Cas was fucking him so deep he could taste it. And for a moment he only saw white behind his lids as he exploded and came untouched, spurt after spurt on his belly and chest, head thrown back, toes curled, moaning until his throat felt sore.

He was so far gone he hardly noticed Cas stilling above him, filling him, breathing heavily as he fucked it out, moaning when Dean’s over stimulated and sensitive whole clenched around him, milking even the last drop out of him with a few last, hard, deep thrusts that sent Dean up the mattress.

They stayed intertwined for a few moments, catching their breath before Cas pulled out and Dean whimpered at the loss. Fuck, he was a mess, there was come everywhere and his entire body was covered in sweat. He’d never felt better.

His face got split in half by the huge smile on his face. He just had sex with Cas, holy nutcracker. And it was the best sex of his goddamned life.

Cas was still lying on top of him, embracing him and Dean was pretty sure he was able to feel Dean’s heart hammering against his own chest.

Lost in his post-orgasm bliss he asked, “Is that my heart beating so fast?” He barely recognized his own voice.

Cas hummed contently with heavy lids and a smile on his flush kissed lips. “Could be mine.” Followed by a breathless laugh into the crease of Dean’s neck.

 

***

 

He didn’t realize he was falling asleep in Cas’ arms until he woke up and the sun was already shining brightly, putting their room in a gleam that promised a hot summer day.

As he was slowly drifting away from sleep, he felt Cas’ hand on his hip, slowly moving up and down and he smiled before he even opened his eyes. When he did, he looked into the deep blue that he loved so much. That beautiful face mere inches from his own. Sex-mussed hair, swollen-kissed lips, he was so unbelievably gorgeous Dean felt his heart flutter in his chest and he wondered if Cas Novak was a good enough reason to go see a cardiologist.

The brightness of the sun and those eyes reflecting its light was too bright, so he closed his eyes again, a sleepy groan leaving his lips.

Dean could hear the smile in Cas’ sleep-drugged voice, “You look beautiful when you sleep.”

He felt that now familiar tug at his heart he seemed to always feel when Cas was present. It was starting to spread out through his entire body and he thought he was about to explode with happiness. “Can’t say the same for you. You were drooling all over me.”

Cas laughed roughly and before he knew it his lips were on Dean’s again. He didn’t even hesitate to open up and swallow Cas’ groan and answer it with his own as Cas rolled on top of him and Dean gripped his ass under the sheets that were covering their intertwined bodies. They were still covered in sweat and jizz, but neither of them seemed to care.

They weren’t in a rush, which made everything so much better. They just let their tongues lazily tangle and slowly let their hands wander all over each other.

Cas smelled like summer and soap and something else Dean couldn’t quite place. Their kisses were sloppy, their skin sticky and it was absolutely perfect. He didn’t care about the morning breath or the dried come on his stomach, Dean loved every second of it.

Which made it so much worse when Cas sighed and pulled back, bumping his nose against Dean’s, “We have to go down and help with the preps for the farewell party.” Before putting another kiss on Dean’s lips.

He groaned, “Damn it.”

Cas rolled off of him and got up and Dean shamelessly stared at his ass as he leaned down to get a fresh pair of underwear. Hell yeah, he’d tapped that.

Cas laughed and shot him a dirty grin and wiggled his eyebrows, apparently, he’d said that out loud.

He walked back to the bed and remarked, “And I tapped  _that_.” Motioning to Dean who was completely stretched out as the sheets covered nothing but his groin, arms crossed behind his back.

“I’m so glad you did.”

Cas’ smile got wider. “Me too. We were both awesome.” Holding his hand out.

Really? That’s what they’d come to? High-fiving each other after Sex? Well, they  _were_  awesome, so what the hell, he thought as he slapped his palm against Cas’.

 

***

 

Becky ordered all of them to come down to the dining hall to help with the preparations for the evening. Each one of them got a task to fill. Dean didn’t give his much attention, though since he’d found out that Chuck and Becky were  _married_. With a  _child_. He’d never really gave much thought about the nature of their relationship but he never even thought they were built any differently than Barbie and Ken down there.

But the living proof was sitting right in front him, on one of the round tables, playing Cards with Jo and Cas. Her name was Evie and she was four and she was the most adorable thing Dean had seen since Cas.

Dean had been ordered to set the tables for the big evening and had been busy for quite some time as Cas was babysitting her. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from glimpsing over to them, studying Cas’ features as he was smiling and joking with the little girl all afternoon. Dean felt his heart making some weird fluttery thing in his rib cage and it skipped a beat every time Cas’ gaze met his with a warm smile.

Barbie and Ken were busy folding napkins or some shit. Dean had no idea why it was their job to do this, but renting the hotel for such a long period of time apparently meant that they were responsible for taking care of themselves, Becky claimed. Dean was convinced it was the high expectations she had on the decorations and the staff didn’t want to have anything to do with that.

When he stopped at their table Cas and Jo jumped to their feet, hurrying past him, straight to the exit. “Finally,” Cas huffed, “I need to get away from this little devil and get some booze.”

Jo hummed in agreement as they both left and Dean was left alone with the kid, who didn’t look like the devil at all.

She stared at him with big brown eyes and he smiled at her. “Hey. I’m Dean.”

She didn’t smile back, “You’re Dean?” she sounded excited and surprised at the same time.

“Uh, yeah.”

Now she smiled, “Mister Cas said, you’re the prettiest boy in the world.”

Warmth flooded his body and settled right in the core of his heart. “He did?”

She nodded just as Becky’s voice echoed from the back of the room. “Evie! Did you put all these thumbtacks on the seats?” Evie looked at Dean mischievously and he got a little scared. “Get your butt over here, young lady!”

She jumped off the chair and hopped over to her mom, ponytail bouncing up and down. Dean was slightly bewildered and didn’t really know what to do since he was done with his job so he tried to pretend this weird interaction hadn’t happened and joined Cas and Jo, who were chatting in the backyard. 

“Yo, Fellas. I always thought it was me, but spending some time with Cas seems to turn even the cutest little girl into a monster.”

“What are you talking about, Dean? Cas is an angel, look at him,” She nodded in Cas’ direction, “I think  _you_  are the problem.”

Cas nodded with fake seriousness, “It’s true. I get a dry mouth just when someone mentions your name, Dean.”

They all laughed and Jo teased, “Aw Dean, he’s getting all flustered. You’re too much for his little angel heart.”

Cas flushed and rubbed the back of his neck and Dean smiled fondly at him, pulling him into a tight hug, “Don’t worry about it. I love your angel heart.” He whispered into his ear and Dean could hear Cas sighing softly and felt him smiling into the crease of his neck.

***

 

It all went to hell on their last day of their vacation. Dean was trying not to ask the million questions that were lying on his tongue, didn’t want to ruin the last moments they had together. He was a child, he knew that but he couldn’t bring himself to talk, his mouth got dry every time he opened it and had to swallow down the love confessions.

They didn’t talk about what had happened between them and when Cas slid under the covers the previous night when Dean was pretending to be asleep, he did it like they’d done this for years like it was exactly the place where he belonged. And it scared the hell out of Dean.

What did Cas think about them? What were they? Dean didn’t want to risk making an idiot of himself so he kept his mouth shut. If he indicated that there was something more between them and Cas just wanted a fling he would make this harder than it already was.

But it was their last day. Their suitcases were packed, standing in the room and waiting. The only thing that was left to do was to attend the closing ceremony and Dean would be a free man. Only a few days ago that would’ve been the best thing that could happen to him, but now the thought of going home just filled him with dread and fear.

Plus, he still didn’t know what to do with Lisa. He was supposed to run back to her without a second thought, it’s what everyone would tell him, what even  _he_  knew was the right thing to do. She was the right choice, Lisa was the perfect woman, his perfect match. But…

But he didn’t want perfect. He wanted Cas. He wanted snarky humor and bickering and fighting and make up sex and passion and heat and friction. Gosh, he wanted messy hair and blue eyes and strong thighs and that perfect dick. Cas was the hottest pie in the bakery.

And there was no going back and Dean realized that now, as they were sitting on the bed, knees bumping, filling out the application for the contest.

“Where did you go just now?” Cas’ voice cut through his daydream as he was poking Dean’s cheek with a pen. The lid was still on, thank god.

He wanted to say so many things. He wanted to tell him everything. Tell him how much he enjoyed being with Cas, tell him how sad he was that their time was over. Tell him how much he loved him.

But he swallowed the words down and shook his head, smiling. “Doesn’t matter. I’m back now.” Before he continued filling out the form that was lying before them.

Cas took mercy on him and ignored Dean’s awkward behavior in order to glimpse down to read the section Dean was filling out and broke out in laughter, “’ _Which one of you looks better in a bikini?’_ Who did this crappy thing? That’s the reason we married? They couldn’t come up with better questions?”

Dean laughed and tried to ignore the tug around his heart. Did he regret it?

“It’s obvious anyway. Have you seen me in a bikini, Dean? I fucking  _slay_  in a bikini.”

Giggles broke out of his chest as he imagined Cas rocking a triangle bikini. He wouldn’t mind seeing that, actually.

Oh god, Cas was trying to cheer him up. Fuck, that guy was too good to be true. Dean felt fondness and awe squeeze tight around his heart and because he’d just said something that was so purely  _Cas_ , he said, “You’re such a big, fat idiot.”

Cas smiled, “Yeah, I thought so too. About you, I mean. But not anymore.”

Dean’s smile turned teasing, “Really?”

“Mh-hm. Well, at first you were the most gorgeous guy I’d ever seen, I mean, look at you, you’re practically a god. But other than that you were supposed to be nothing but a blunt, dull one night stand.”

Dean didn’t know whether to feel flattered or offended.

“Then I thought you were a superficial asshole.”

Okay, yeah, definitely offended. “Hey, shitface-“

Cas cut him off with a laugh, “And then I got to know you. And now you’re the best, most genuine and lovable person I’ve ever met.”

All air left Dean’s lungs and because Cas was smiling at him so brightly and because he looked at Dean like he was his whole world he smashed their mouths together.

Warm hands found their way into Dean’s hair as Cas responded to the kiss eagerly, sighing contently and Dean felt him smiling against his mouth which made him smile in return. It was more teeth than lips, but it felt oh so good.

Dean fluffed his fingers through Castiel’s hair in return and let them scratch lightly over the soft hairs of his nape as he felt Cas’ hand wandering down his back to grasp his denim covered ass.

When Dean gasped, he looked so smug Dean wanted to wipe that look right off his face. And so he did when he laid down on his back, pulling Cas right on top of him, grinding their clothed erections together with a groan, “Fuck.”

They were panting heavily, Cas’ mouth opened all warm and slick and inviting and Dean groaned, sliding his arms around his shoulders, pulling him in, even more, kissing him with everything he had.

He grabbed Cas’ ass with both hands and  _dragged_  their hips together. It was so fucking good, feeling Cas heavy and wanting and panting on top of him, weighing him down as they were breathing into each other’s mouths, lost in the sensation of their dicks sliding together.

He was just about to get the show going, lowering his hand to get their pants open when there was a knock on the door. He heard himself making a low noise, a noise between being incredibly turned on and unbelievably annoyed.

Mostly turned on, though, since Cas just kept grinding against him.

Dean was panting, “Sa- Sam’s here.”

Cas’ mouth wandered down his throat and started licking and Dean had to bite back a moan. “So what?” he breathed against Dean’s skin, “Let him watch.” Starting to nip and bite.

When Dean laughed it sounded broken and rough.

Jess’ voice muffled through the door and filled the room, “Are you guys ready? The party’s about to start and we’re already late.”

“Coming!” Dean creaked out and it took all his strength to stop kissing Cas. He shoved him lightly to get him off of him and Cas obeyed unwillingly, with a growl that didn’t exactly help Dean with his boner problem.

 

***

 

It was already nearing midnight and Dean was sweating. He got more nervous by every second that ticked away, bringing the meeting with Lisa closer and closer. The meeting that was never going to happen. No, Dean was sure he didn’t want her back, he made a decision and he chose Cas.

Stupid, annoying, unbearable Cas.

Cas, who was on the dance floor, putting on the most embarrassing show Dean had ever seen. So embarrassing he even outperformed Jess’ show from the anniversary. Dean didn’t even know if it deserved to be called dancing, Cas more looked like he was trying to catch a fly that was getting on his nerves. Dean watched him with a smile. He just couldn’t avert his eyes. He was loveable, oh so loveable, it made Dean ache in his chest.

Yes, he could never be with anyone else but this dork.

Getting back together with Lisa just because he couldn’t have Cas wasn’t fair to either of them.

Sam stood next to him, taking a sip of his beer with a sucking noise and eyed Cas’ one man show with wary eyes. He raised one of his accusing eyebrows at Dean. “And this is the guy you love?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

Sam chuckled to himself, “It kinda looks like a victory dance.”

Could it be? That Cas was so excessively enjoying himself because he felt something like victory? Because he got Dean? It probably was wishful thinking so he tried to swallow the hope down, that bubbled in his chest and desperately wanted to get to the surface.

Sometime later and, quite frankly, some beers later he was so drunk to the point he didn’t even worry about the Lisa problem anymore. He just really didn’t care. All that was important was Cas, sitting next to him, gulping down his own large amount of alcohol. The sleeves of his dress shirt were rolled up, showing his strong forearms, bringing all of Dean’s attention to his beautiful hands.

“Jess, do you think I should cut my hair a little?”

That was Dean’s cue. “Yes, Sammy, you definitely should get your hair cut. I’m starting to feel like I have a sister and not a brother.”

“Shut up, Bitch, nobody asked you.”

Dean smiled and Jess answered, “I love you just the way you are, Sam. I just want you to feel comfortable.”

Cas joined the conversation and slurred, “I think you look good like that, Sam. Kinda like a rock star.”

Dean screw up his face, “You can’t say that, dude! Ew, stop hitting on my brother!”

“Seriously?” Cas rolled his eyes, “I’m not hitting on him, I’m just being polite. Something you obviously don’t know much about. How would you like it if your husband bitched about your brother’s appearance? I’m just behaving myself correctly.”

His husband. Dean looked at him for a few moments. Cas’ face was distant, a line between his brows and he was gripping the edge of the table. Was he also thinking about the fact that he just said  _your husband?_ The usual hawkishness in his eyes was gone.

Could Dean tell him now, that he wished he was his husband- well, not only for real but really? No. Pathetic.

But…

If he didn’t try, he might regret it for the rest of his life. He would never see Cas again, so why not just go for it? And tell him everything?

He broke out of the little drama that was happening in his head when he felt Cas’ gaze heavy on his face.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Cas smiled, with hooded eyes.

Oh, my god. “Dude, what?”

Cas hesitated a few seconds before answering, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“More uncomfortable than when you’re staring at me like a creep?”

“Does it make you very uncomfortable?” He looked ashamed and a little sad and Dean did not want that, no thank you very much so he quickly added, “Nah, it’s fine. Not as much as I pretend.” He smiled.

Cas laughed the way Dean loved it the most, grin splitting his face in half, his eyes were so luminous and deep, Dean was sure they hid worlds behind them, worlds he desperately wanted to explore.

“I like it when you’re drunk.”

“Why’s that, cowboy?”

“Because you’re being honest.”

His mind was like a broken record, playing  _I love him I love him I love him_  over and over again.

“Not as honest as I could be.”

Cas laughed again, “Then keep talking.”

Dean answered with his own laugh and they were staring each other for a few moments, completely lost in their own world until Sam yelled out, “Oh my god, you had sex.” and slammed his fist on the table.

Dean burrowed his face in his hands and sighed. Were they really that obvious?

Jess nodded approvingly “Nice. Now I know why you call each other cowboy and stud. Hehe.”

“Oh god.”

“I hope you guys know what you’re getting yourselves into.”

“Yes, Sam, would you stop lecturing us, please, we’re both adults, you know? Now stop talking about it, it’s none of your business.”

Sam gave him bitchface #324 but stopped talking about it after sighing excessively like the big drama queen he was.

“Alright. That was very embarrassing.” Cas raised to his feet. “I’m gonna go to bed and try to forget about this whole conversation.” He looked at Dean expectantly.

Oh god, Cas wanted him to join him. In bed. There was nothing that he wanted more and the fact that Cas indicated it made him want to dance, but he needed to talk to Harry and Sally first, so he said, “I’ll be there in a minute. There’s something I have to do first.”

Cas smiled at him and the moment he was out of hearing range he turned to Sam and Jess, “I’m gonna tell him.”

Jess was sucking some pink cocktail through an even pinker straw. “Tell’mwhat”

“That I’m in love with him.”

Her eyes got big and she put the drink down with a bang before she started to punch Sam’s arm in excitement “Jesus Christ, really?! I’m so happy, oh my god Sam, did you hear that, oh my god?”

“Ouch.” The pissbaby started to rub his arm. “That’s good Dean. I hope it works out for you guys, I’m proud of you.”

“Whoa, little brother are you getting teary eyed?” Dean was starting to freak out, Sam acted like he was gonna propose to the guy- oh right.

“It’s just… I never thought that you could ever love anyone outside our family, you know? Until…”

“Until…?”

“Until you met Cas.”

 

***

 

It was a short walk from the hall to their room and Dean was buzzing with excitement. He opened the door with a click and the first thing he noticed was that it didn’t bump against Cas’ suitcase like it had all day every time someone exited and entered the room. They’d been too lazy to put it somewhere else, too busy with each other.

But Dean instantly knew that Cas didn’t just move them, he  _removed_  them, including himself and any evidence that he’d ever been there. Dean’s heart sunk as he entered the empty room, so silent that he could hear the noise from the party downstairs.

That’s when he saw Lisa’s note accusingly laying in the middle of the bed.

Oh, No no no no no no no.

Dean, being the big idiot he was, forgot about it, distracted with being in love, still hidden under his pillow like a secret. Cas was never supposed to see it, was never supposed to even know about it. Not before Dean could tell him everything.

Before he could form any thought he stormed out and down the stairs, any second was too important to waste it with waiting for the elevator when it could be the second Cas was leaving this place forever. He crashed down to the lobby, heart racing.  _Not like this_ , this could not be the way they parted. Cas thinking he’d rather have Lisa than him. Dean’s heart broke just thinking about it.

Just as he reached the foot of the stairs, he saw him heading to the exit.

Dean ran to him just in time to keep him from leaving and stopped in his tracks when saw how broken he looked.

“Cas, wait.”

He flinched on the intensity of Cas’ cold eyes and it felt like fingers tightening around his throat, squeezing until he couldn’t breathe.

“It’s okay, Dean. You don’t have to say anything.” His voice was ice.

“No, I have to, it’s not what-“

“I get it. It didn’t mean anything to me either, you know?”

Dean felt like someone hit him in the gut with a sledge hammer.

“We were just having fun. Gotta keep yourself occupied, somehow when you’re trapped in this place.” He noticed the people around them starting to stare and watch them with apprehension and Cas ruined everything with just a few, short words. He and Cas were rare talents in making a scene, apparently.

“We were just pretending.” He raised his voice for everyone to hear him as he looked at them. “We were just pretending anyway, we’re not really a couple. We married for the money.”

Dean could do nothing but stare in disbelief, unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to say anything but give out something that sounded like the whine of a scared cat that he will deny until his dying day.

Everybody was staring in shock, except for Meg, who wore a smile on her face like a wart.

Cas inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, hurt look on his face as if he only realized now what he’d just done. And the worst part was that Dean understood him. He’d wanted to get this off his chest for so long, he could only imagine how good it must’ve felt to let the words out. It’d been building for week after week, every time they somewhat as touched each other, every time they  _faked_. Dean didn’t blame him for exploding like a high-pressure vessel.

His next words were so silent, Dean had to strain his ears to make them out correctly. “But it’s over now.” Then he turned and left, leaving everyone looking after him in dead silence.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

He didn’t talk much on the flight home, ignoring any attempt of Sam and Jess to get him to talk about his  _feelings_. Ugh, feelings. He despised them. He felt like he’d been asleep his whole life but since he met Cas it was like the guy had pulled some plug in Dean’s heart that let the emotions out, spreading through his veins like a disease.

He was so devastated, it must’ve been written all over his face. Jess and Sam were watching him with concern when they got back home. The house was silent and smelled different than he remembered. Foreign.

“You gonna be okay? Can we leave you alone for the night, Dean?”

“Oh Jesus, of course, you can leave me alone. I’m not a child and for the love of god, don’t act like I’m suicidal.”

The creased between their eyebrows didn’t disappear completely but flattened out a bit.

It was already past one in the morning so it didn’t take long for them to disappear into their bedroom.

And he was back on his couch.

He laid down and stared at the ceiling. It seemed like a new hobby of his, lying awake at night, suffocating on his own thoughts.

He just hurt so much, he felt like dying.

After Cas left, he didn’t talk to anyone, couldn’t even look at them. He felt like he betrayed his friends. He didn’t apologize or beg for forgiveness or gave a speech about how it all started and how it turned into so much more. Because this wasn’t a rom-com or a love story, it was Dean’s life and Dean was a coward.

He didn’t even say goodbye.

Cas didn’t say goodbye to him either.

He thought about the way he’d looked at him, with so much pain. The warmth that filled his eyes whenever he looked at Dean had disappeared entirely.  His eyes were as cold as blue eyes could be.

Gosh, he missed him so much. What he would give for Cas to look at him again. He even would be willing to tolerate his cold eyes, if he would just look at him again.

He felt lonely without him. So much. Dean swallowed down the tears that filled his eyes and threatened to spill over any second.

He knew that he was in love, but he didn’t know how much he’d started to rely on Cas, how much he got used to him being ever present at his side.

Cas belonged to his side. Being with him was the only thing that mattered to Dean. Being with Cas was the only thing that had made his stupid little life bearable.

He’d turned Dean’s world into a better place. A place he actually  _wanted_  to be in.

Everything in life just happens so fast. You fly through it like a shooting star through the sky. It’s over before you can even blink. But there are some moments that make you stop. Make you look inward. And make you feel that you’re alive. Every moment with Cas had made him feel alive.

 

***

 

Their mom punished him with a surprise visit a few days later and Dean tried to act like he was thrilled to bits. But his heart was broken and he was hurting and of course, she noticed. She was his mom after all.

“It wasn’t meant to be. It’s okay, mom, I’m dealing with it just fine.”

“No, honey, you’re not.” She looked at him in that tender way mothers look at their children and he felt like a little boy again. He wanted her to hold him, tell him everything was gonna be fine and tuck him into bed.

“I just want it to stop hurting so much. Why does it hurt so much?” He whispered. He couldn’t manage anything more. His mom was the only person who was allowed to see him like that.

She looked at him with understanding, eyes drowning in sympathy, “Because you fell in love. You met an angel and he fell in love with you too. And that’s a tragedy. It’s supposed to hurt or it wouldn’t be real.”

 

***

 

Sam and Jess had started to go back to work again and Dean was still trying to find a new job. He could kiss the money goodbye for sure. The winners would be picked random, but even if they did win, no way in hell would Becky and Chuck approve it.

He didn’t bother to get dressed, it was already late in the afternoon and he hadn’t eaten anything. Dean was bored to death, wandering around the house, straightening the occasional picture on the wall and tried to burp the alphabet.

He didn’t remember the last time he took a shower.

He was gross.

He was a loser, and he knew it. But he didn’t have the strength to change anything about it.

He hated this house. It was nice, had a big backyard and Jess sure knew her ways around interior design and making their home cozy.

But that was the problem. It was for her and Sam and he didn’t have a place here. He knew he was welcome to stay as long as he needed, but it wasn’t his home. And he was  _so_  homesick.

If he thought about it, a person never really misses a place, a house, a street. Not really, they miss the people it held. Sometimes home isn’t four falls, it’s two eyes and a heartbeat. A heartbeat that matches your own. Not even his old apartment had been a home, there was no one to fill the void, no voice to shut out the silence that had been screaming at him day after day. No one was there to drape a blanket over him when he fell asleep in front of the TV and sure as hell no one to kiss him awake when he was still contently snoring in the morning.

What’s home if not for the people you love?

 

***

 

His phone was ringed and the slight hope that sparked in him died down when it wasn’t Cas’ voice on the other end. But it was Jo, which was almost as exciting. He hadn’t realized how much he missed her too.

To his luck, she didn’t need as much reassurance as he thought.

“I’m so sorry, Jo. The last thing I wanted was to hurt anyone of you.”

“Shush, Winchester, don’t apologize, I get it.”

“What? You-“

“I mean, it was pretty shitty to do what you did and I’m pissed at you, both of you. But…”

“…But?”

“Sam called me and told me everything. I’m really sorry.”

If one more person would pity him like that he would do a backflip.

“It’s okay, Jo. I can handle it.” He sounded like a robot, even to himself. He’d said those words so many times in the last weeks it felt like a recorded message came out of his mouth.

“You know what’s funny?” She continued, speaking thoughtfully into the phone, as if she was trying to remember something important, “I’ve had my suspicions of many of them but never with you guys. It was never a question for me if you were in love.”

He gripped the phone so hard his knuckled got white.

 

***

 

He couldn’t believe he’d let himself love someone. Why did he do this to himself?

He was such an idiot.

Getting off together  _once_  and a little girl telling him Cas said he was pretty wasn’t exactly bulletproof confirmation of Cas returning his feelings. And yet he’d still gotten hope. But it was good the way it was, Dean was trying to tell himself. They’d been fighting most of the time anyway.

He ignored Sam’s disapproving look for the hundredth time when he saw how Dean stuffed himself full with beer and microwaved tacos.

Sam was spread out on the couch with Jessica as they were having their weekly date night. Lately, it included Dean. He frowned at Katherine Heigl or Natalie Portman or whoever it was, who was currently crying on screen because some dude had left her.

He hated these movies so much. Because he understood them now. He felt like Katherine Heigl.

He felt bad for being such a big picture of misery, he had so much to be thankful for but he refused to feel bad about feeling bad. People should stop romanticizing everything about life. Yes, it was special, yes, it was extraordinary, but he was a part of it. He was a part of it and he was allowed to question it. And to hate it sometimes.

And, gosh, he hated it so much. He hated  _Cas_. He hated him for making him love him. He hated him for having been there, at this stupid hotel in stupid Vegas, at this stupid bar. He hated him for saying  _yes_. For being the light in Dean’s life when the tunnel got too dark.

He could never hate him.

The August sun was burning down from the sky day after day, burning him up. He spent every night sitting on the porch watching the stars, lighting the darkness of the sky and wishing he was one of them. Dean kind of felt like one of them. Hanging high up on the ceiling until they just fall one day. Burning out and leaving nothing but darkness.

If only they didn’t look so beautiful. They pissed him off.

The windows and doors of the house were open, in a futile attempt to let the night breeze cool it down. Dean was drowning in his own sweat, listening to the neighbor’s snores as they echoed through the backyard. He’s never met the guy, but he imagined he looked like a Bear by the sounds he was giving off.

What was pissing him off so much was that he was still moping. He was moping so much he was moping about moping. He was unable to stop being sad and he hated himself for it. He usually had more self-control. But then, Cas had changed all the rules anyways.

At the knock on the door frame, he averted his eyes from the sky and turned around to spot Sam and Jess, standing there with a bottle of Jack Daniels and shy smiles. He motioned them to sit and they started to pass the bottle around, drinking out of it like some depressed alcoholics. Which was accurate on Dean’s part.

“This is really eating at you, isn’t it?” Sam asked.

“Jeez, no shit, Sherlock.”

“Then get him back.”

As if he hadn’t thought about that. It was all he could think about all day, every day. But there was no point.

“He said it didn’t mean anything to him. I’m never gonna get him back,” He took a big slug of the Whisky, “He was never even mine.”

Jess snorted, taking the bottle from him, “He was lying, dumbass. Of course it meant something to him.”

“Where does he live?” Sam asked.

Dean tried to think of the conversation they had at the bar. The first time they ever talked. It wasn’t long ago but it felt like a different life. Like a different Dean. “Um, Missouri.”

“That’s all you know?” Jess squinted at him.

 _Oops_.

 He shrugged, “I never asked him.”

Sam whispered to Jess, “He doesn’t know a thing about him.” He knew exactly Dean could hear him and that was probably the point.

Finding him wasn’t that hard. Okay, maybe a little bit.

The next day he got up before noon for the first time in forever, showered for the first time in forever and put on some clothes for the first time in forever. Okay, his breakfast consisted of a slice of Pizza from the day prior and a warm can of beer, he had a long way to go but it was a start.

Sam had gone to work at ass o’clock in the morning so Dean couldn’t ask him, but he figured he wouldn’t mind if he borrowed his laptop. He sat down on the couch and got to work. He knew Cas had worked as a police officer before he got fired, but he couldn’t exactly call all the police departments in Missouri and ask if they knew a Castiel Novak.

Only as a last resort, but he wasn’t there yet.

He also knew his sister Anna and he knew exactly where she worked. He quickly opened the website of their hotel in Vegas and found their phone number. He asked the nice lady on the phone if Anna Novak was working and had her on the other line in no time.

“ _You want me to tell you the address of my brother so you can get him back after breaking his heart?”_  Her voice was harsh over the phone and Dean was glad he didn’t have to suffer her wrath in person.

“Uh… I’d happily accept a phone number if you’d prefer that.”

He heard he silently cursing and quickly yelled “Please don’t hang up. I’m really desperate, alright? I need you to help me, please Anna. I just wanna talk to him. Set things right.”

After a minute of silence, he wondered if she’d hung up after all but the buzzing on the line told him she was still there.

She exhaled in defeat and mumbled, “ _Fine_.”

Dean had to control himself to not jump on the table and start dancing.

“Thank you, Anna. Thank you so much.”

“ _Yeah, sure. Do you really just want his number or do you want me to tell you where he lives?”_

Dean was starting to suspect that all of Cas’ family consisted of Angels. But then he thought of Gabriel and quickly dismissed that thought.

 

***

 

He didn’t waste any more time and got ready as soon as he hung up the phone. It was gonna be a drive for about 4 hours so he took a bottle of water and some protein bars with him, wrote a quick note to Sam and Jess and hit the road with his beloved Impala.

He only had to stop once on the side of the street to take a piss behind the bushes and another time to get something to eat at a shitty diner. After five hours he rolled into a quiet street that looked alarmingly similar to Sam and Jess’.

Castiel’s house was done up in blue siding and perfectly trimmed hedges and it almost looked like something out of a garden magazine. There was an honest to God white picket fence out front.

He parked at the side of the road and took deep breaths, trying to calm himself. He didn’t even know what he wanted to say. He gripped the steering wheel with his sweaty hands. “You can do this, Dean. You’re a Winchester.”

Dread filled his chest and made him dizzy when he finally brought up the courage to get out his baby and head to the front door. Dusk was falling, the sun slowly disappearing beyond the horizon; it smelled like freshly mowed lawn and the evening breeze was dancing in Dean’s hair, making him shiver with anticipation in his ripped jeans and simple T-shirt.

It was a nice evening to get the love of your life back.

Or lose them forever.

He reached the door and lost any sense of his surroundings, minute after minute he stood there, staring at the wooden door as if it could give him the strength he needed. But waiting for a door to give you a pep talk is a vain hope so Dean inhaled deeply and slammed his knuckles against it.

His heart was beating so fast he felt his whole body vibrating as he waited. And waited.

And waited.

He gulped and knocked again, louder, harder and still nothing. The door stayed shut and Dean could swear it was laughing at him. He wanted to kick it open, break it, chop it into millions of tiny little wood chippings, and enter the house and tell Cas to fucking listen to him.

But he didn’t want to get arrested on top of it all. Cas already thought he was crazy.

He was a hundred percent sure Cas saw him through the loophole or a drawn aside curtain and just didn’t want to bother with him. Dean had his answer. The closed door basically screamed it in his face.   _Stop trying_ , it said.  _He’s done with you. You’re done._

After twenty minutes of waiting, he turned around, trying to convince himself that he was ready to say goodbye to him forever.

And there he was.

Standing on the sidewalk with a tail wagging dog at his side, wide eyes staring at Dean.

Dean took the two steps to Cas’ level and took him in. His eyes were gray, shallow and looked heavy and empty. The scruff on his chin had grown thick. Dean hadn’t looked in a mirror for ages, but he imagined he didn’t look any better. Both miserable. Both too alone. Dean had felt like a part of him was missing and it was exactly the part that was standing in front of him, looking like his heart was breaking and his hope was dying.

Dean gulped and Cas said, “You look like crap.”

A laugh escaped his chest before he could stop it. God, he’d missed him so fucking much.

His eyes turned serious again and he asked, “What are you doing here Dean?”

Every part of him wanted to touch Cas, but he knew that he was the last person on earth that was able to comfort him. Even though there was not another human being that loved this wonderful, sweet, loving angel as much as him.

“Can we talk?”

Cas looked angry and opened his mouth to say, probably yell, something, but Dean cut him off.

“Please, Cas. Just- Just please…” He sounded infinitely desperate, but he was past the point of caring.

After several seconds of thinking, Cas nodded once and Dean released the breath he hadn’t known he was holding.

They didn’t speak while Cas was unlocking the door, the only sound being Archer’s panting and Cas’ keys that tingled in the air.

The house was just as nice on the inside, warm colors on the walls, a cozy looking couch dominating the open living room and bookshelf after bookshelf decorating the walls.

Cas motioned him to sit on one of the chairs at the kitchen bar that separated kitchen and living room while he filled Archer’s bowl with water.

Dean watched the dog, as he eagerly slobbered it empty as if it was the most exciting thing he’d ever seen.

He quickly let his eyes wander around the room and noticed the absence of any divorce papers lying around. He’d imagined Cas signing them gratefully over and over again over the past few weeks. He got hit by the fact that none of them had initiated the annulment and Dean wasn’t sure what to make of it. Dean had expected to find the divorce papers in their mail every day, but for some reason, they never came.

And onhis part, it was obvious why he didn’t set anything in motion. He could never bring himself to do it. Just the thought of it made him want to scream.

He broke out of his reverie when Cas brought his attention back to Dean. He still looked angry, cold. And Dean wanted nothing more than to smooth out the lines between his eyebrows and kiss him until his smile came back.

“I miss you.” He heard himself say, and he could see in Cas’ face how he gave up the fight and let his resolve crumble.

Cas stared at his feet and shyly muttered, “I’m sorry I blew your chance to get the money.”

“Forget the money, Cas. It stopped being about the money a long time ago.”

Cas let his eyes wander to Dean’s face, “It did?”

“Yes!” Dean yelled and got up from his stool to get in Cas’ face. “Why do you think I’m here?”

And because Cas wouldn’t be Cas otherwise he switched to defense and yelled back. “I don’t know, Dean! Just tell me why the fuck you’re here!”

“Because I can’t breathe without you!”

The silence that followed was deafening so Dean filled it with the explanation he thought Cas wanted to hear.

He let his body slump against the wall and pinched the bridge of his nose before taking a deep breath, “You know… When I was little I was supposed to spend the night at a friend’s house the next town over or it was pretty far away, anyway.  It was awesome until it was time to go to sleep and I got scared. I missed my dad, you know? I was really homesick, so my friend’s mom called him. My father, he, uh, he had to get up in the middle of the night and drove over, it took him ages, he could’ve waited till the morning actually. But he came anyway, to come and get me.”

Cas was taking in his words, not averting his eyes from Dean as he listened. It was like he didn’t see anything but him.

Dean smiled to himself as he remembered, “And he wasn’t even mad. He just kissed my forehead and held me in his arms until I could breathe again. Because every time I was too far away from my family I felt like I had no air left in my lungs, Cas. And… And lately I feel like there’s no air every minute of my life, but when I’m with you I can breathe again. What I’m- what I’m trying to say is, you know, is that I’m hopelessly, ridiculously, pathetically in love with you.”

Cas took a sharp breath and Dean could see his lips trembling.

Saying the words was easier than he thought and it felt so good he had to do it again, “I love you.”

A thousand of emotions were written all over Cas’ face, one so quickly replaced by another, Dean couldn’t even make them out.

“You-“ Cas took a step forward so mechanically, it seemed like he wasn’t even aware of doing it.

Dean smiled wistfully, “Yeah. Yeah Cas, I love you.”

Cas’ voice was shaking with emotions, “But- But you chose Lisa. You showed up in my life and were the best thing that ever happened to me and then you let me kiss you. You let me kiss you, Dean and I swear to you, it felt like you handed me the world. And then you chose  _Lisa_.”  

Dean huffed, “No, I didn’t. I didn’t choose Lisa, I chose  _you_. I forgot about the note and I was trying to figure out a way to let her down the whole time. The moment I saw you sitting at that bar, I chose you. And I’ll choose you for the rest of my life, Cas. No matter what. No matter if you choose me back, I will always be there. You are everything to me.”

He caught Cas’ gaze and refused to let it go when he spoke, “I don’t care what anyone else says. I don’t care about the money. Not anymore. I just want  _you_. Nothing else.”

Cas stepped closer, opening his mouth, but Dean cut him off, “I always thought I wasn’t made for the apple pie life. But that’s not true. I was just with the wrong person. But with you I don’t care what life I have as long as I live it with you.”

Cas let out a shaky breath. His face was full of misery, but his eyes were smiling at Dean. “But I’m a mess…”

Dean smiled, letting his eyes grow warm with all the emotions he was feeling for the man in front of him. “I don’t mind. I’m pretty good at handling messes.” 

Cas’ lips were on him before he could even blink and he didn’t hesitate to respond to the kiss with everything he had, whimpering in desperation. God, Dean wanted to taste him forever. Cas cradled Dean’s face between his palms in a tender touch and Dean hooked his arm around Cas’ middle pulling him closer.

Their lips moved against each other, familiar but still so new until Cas started to press brief kisses along his face. “God, Dean. I love you too.” He whispered and Dean thought his stomach would explode and all the butterflies would escape.

 “I love you so much.” Cas repeated and Dean smiled against Cas’ skin, trying not to burst into tears with happiness.

 

***

 

It wasn’t long before Dean packed up all his belongings and found a new home in Missouri. He was away from his family, sure, but not all of them. A big part of his family was waiting for him there, warm smile and welcoming eyes embracing him as they started their life together.

The divorce was long forgotten, neither of them was willing to even think of it. They both knew that they would spend the rest of their lives together, from now on united. Huh, maybe he was the princess after all.

The look on Anna’s face was pretty funny when she found out that Cas fell in love with his husband. Dean’s own family didn’t react much differently.

And when Cas got down on one knee, in front of Dean, he didn’t hesitate a second to agree to marry Cas for real, dropping to his knees and burying his head in Cas’ neck.

 

Dean never would have believed that he would ever find love and especially not in Cas, of all people. But the moment he stopped looking, love found him all on its own.

When you wait for the right moment, whatever that may be, it won’t come. It will leave you waiting until your hair loses all its color; until your face is covered in wrinkles and age marks. But as soon as you turn your back it will find you, on its own, without you noticing. Without you knowing. It will come and it will crash your world.

He was trying to put it into words, make Cas understand what he was feeling as he was lying in his new bed, in his new house, facing Cas as he tenderly stroked Dean’s cheek. Archer was lying at the foot of the bed, his weight soothing and warm on top of their feet.

Dean knew he sounded like he was high on meds.  He took the hand that was lying on his face in his own, kissing its palm. “ _You_  crashed my world, Cas”

His husband was smiling at him, eyes so full of love, Dean’s heart fluttered in his chest. There’d been times he used to panic. When Cas looked at him like that. His chest got tight, his mouth dry, his ears started ringing, it was horrifying. But Dean let go and let love in his life and in his heart too. And now, the only thing he did, when he received that look, was intertwining their fingers and answer it with one of his own.

Because truth is, he really wasn’t that good at pretending.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A cool job, a nice apartment, a hot girlfriend. Dean had it all. And lost everything. That’s when he gets the chance to be featured in an article in the famous magazine “Heaven on Earth” and reside in a luxury hotel for four weeks. And win a shit ton of money. The catch: it’s only for married couples. And because Dean’s life is a disaster the only person who is willing to play along and marry him is the person who despises him the most. But playing Couple with Cas Novak for a month can’t be that hard, can it?


End file.
